lame jokes


A proton , neutron and electron walked into a Bar!!!



They were so microscopic that bar attender did not even notice them.


Two atoms walking down the street, one says to the other,
'I think I lost an electron!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes I'm positive!'

Rush the Conqueror

Two cupcakes are put into an oven one says is it just me or is it hot in here. The other says omg a talking cupcake


2 Antennas get married. The wedding was crap but the reception was excellent.


Fridge falls out of a tree.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It was tied to the fridge.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

It was holding the first koala hand.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.

Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?

It thought it was a game.

why did the kangaroo have a headache?

Because four koalas and a fridge fell on its head.


I got tons.

This is a true letter sent to congress from San Francisco.

"During the Bush administration we had Bob Hope, Johny Cash and Steve Jobs. Now under the Obama administration we have no Hope,no Cash and no Jobs."

What did the apple say to the banana?

Nothing. Bananas can't talk.

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

"Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

What acccidents happen every 24 hours?

Day breaks and night falls.

What do you get when you cross your brother with an owl?

A wise guy.

Why did the little girl bury her fathre and mother?

She wanted to grow a family tree.

Can type more, but don't have the energy to.


A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say butt."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your butt it won't be Cheerios!"
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The manhatten project was not intended to make nuclear weapons, it was intended to match the power of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

They didn't come close.

Chuck Norris is the reason the birds are angry

Anymore lame jokes?



why does a chicken say ''buck, buck''????

because it's not able to say ''two dollars'' (completely lame!)


While teaching his students, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his leg bones are bent.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” says the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”


A group of 5 high school boys went to eat out at McDonalds and ordered 5 soft drinks. Each one of them opened their backpacks and brought out their sandwiches.

One of the McDonald's manager was watching, then walked over to their table and told them, "You can not eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The 5 boys smiled and looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches and started to eat.


1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the 'birds and bees:' talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: You son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do