Looking for Advice on How to Cope

herefordgrl

Phrourach
I used to come to this forum for a chance to relax, laugh and cut up over the funny stuff that people would post and the debates that they would have with one another. I would participate. It was a "stress reliever" for me...lately, it's become something different...and since this latest event started...well...I have to admit something and I come to you all for some counseling.

I used to go to a counselor to deal with the stress that real life presented...and then I found Grepo...pre-events loaded with gold spending etc. I had the chance to meet lots of people I thought I liked, make some good friends, make some fake friends...and now I need advice on how to determine the difference, here in Grepoland.

Ladies and Gentlemen, how do you identify to people that you trust and that you can count on here in Abdera, the ones that are lying to your face, and differentiate from those that are genuine and those that are genuine fools?

The same with leaders...what do you consider to be good leader skills and how do you identify them in a pixilated crowd of typed words without real life handshakes to go along?
 

dimspace

Phrourach
As far as the people go, you know its funny, on externals we all fight with each other, argue with each other, but its actually quite strange...

As far as "friends" go in the "in-game" sense of it, the small band of us on externals who in posts flame and annoy each other, probably actually have a stronger "friendship" bond than many of the other people in game have, even if we are utterly disfunctional

Lets say I decided to quit grepo tomorrow, be totally done with it and move on. In game, there are a few old alliance mates I would send a message to do let them know i was leaving, but ya know, Id also drop sloth, canby, hg and others who have posted here a little line, saying the banter and arguments was fun and see them around.


As for who you can trust and who you cant.. man, sometimes as humans we overthink things way too much. We wonder too much about others, can they be trusted, do they trust me, do i like them, do they like me, etc etc.. I suffer from anxiety and If i tried to think too much about stuff like that my brain would explode. I prefer things more black and white. Accept that everyone is nice, that everyone is telling the truth, that everyone means you well, and the minute they do the slightest thing to show they dont, BOOM, they gone. But one basic rule, when judging people in life generally but certainly in game, never take any notice of what other people say about them, always find out for yourself. :D
 

herefordgrl

Phrourach
Dim, I have my moments with anxiety too...frankly, I come to Grepo to get away from the stress of anxiety and dealing with insurance claims in RL at times (yes, I work in the insurance business...for farmers of course).

Part of the fun of the game is getting to know people. What I hate is when you get to the point that you really feel that you are getting to know someone fairly well, and you come to the realization that they came here for the same reason you did...to get a break from RL...and at that moment, you realize that they really weren't as real as you thought that they were. Perhaps that is naivity on my part...but I have always tried to play a "real" game. At times, it leaves me with my feelings getting hurt...which is not the reason that I come here. And that part actually stinks.
 

dimspace

Phrourach
Part of the fun of the game is getting to know people. What I hate is when you get to the point that you really feel that you are getting to know someone fairly well, and you come to the realization that they came here for the same reason you did...to get a break from RL...and at that moment, you realize that they really weren't as real as you thought that they were. Perhaps that is naivity on my part...but I have always tried to play a "real" game. At times, it leaves me with my feelings getting hurt...which is not the reason that I come here. And that part actually stinks.
Speaking hypothetically, as theres seemingly a particular instance you are talking about...

Ive always just figured there are a lot of people here for various reasons, I mean, youve got to be a special kind of someone to put in the amount of time some of us put into the game. Im sure there are countless "interesting" stories about why people have so much time to devote to playing an online game :D

That said, just because people choose not to share those reasons, and use the game as a form of escapism, doesnt mean they arent real. There are people maybe who have issues, or stresses or things in their RL They arent happy with, and use the game as a break, and are maybe embarrassed to talk about their RL stuff (as society has largely brought us to believe that we should not show weakness).

Im sure theres plenty of people who use the game as therapy, but just because they do that doesnt mean they arent real.

as for the hurt feelings thing, sometimes its easy to read something someones said, take it personally, and stress about it, worry that people think a certain thing, but then you have to think, they dont actually know me, theyve no real idea about me, and you just go into the game and kill something :D
 

Ruthie2

Phrourach
Dim, I have my moments with anxiety too...frankly, I come to Grepo to get away from the stress of anxiety and dealing with insurance claims in RL at times (yes, I work in the insurance business...for farmers of course).

Part of the fun of the game is getting to know people. What I hate is when you get to the point that you really feel that you are getting to know someone fairly well, and you come to the realization that they came here for the same reason you did...to get a break from RL...and at that moment, you realize that they really weren't as real as you thought that they were. Perhaps that is naivity on my part...but I have always tried to play a "real" game. At times, it leaves me with my feelings getting hurt...which is not the reason that I come here. And that part actually stinks.

I feel that too, this game is what takes me from pain in RL , ok it doesnt go away, but for a while I am not me I am ruthie2.
People who know me know what I am talking about.
Grep is a escape. I have met some real interesing people in my 4 yrs here , some have become real good friends, I have also met
, back stabbers, liars, people who befriend you to get what they need in game.
Beth I feel what you say, when people you trust arent who you thought, it makes you question yourself as to , not seeing a wolf in sheeps clothing. I must admit this last yr has made me more cynical.. I am getting trust issues , where as I was always happy go lucky

Dim we have had some run ins in the past, but you talk alot of sense. Thank you
 

pagodaswan

Phrourach
Years ago I used to build forums like these..vB being the preferred type...and the owners and I got on very well (I am UK based, they were in Houston, Texas), when they got married I was invited to their wedding, I flew over, had 4 great days in Houston...we became firm friends, or so I thought.

I built forums for over 6 years for them, they raked it in....I earned nothing, I enjoyed doing it...it gave me a release from the day to day ...six weeks after the wedding they sold all 55 of their forums for a six figure sum (I had physically built 50 of them, organised moderators, was spending 20 hours a day, 7 days a week sorting issues on them and over seeing etc)

I never went into it for gain...monetery or otherwise...but a "thank you" might have been nice

But no...I logged in as usual and discovered all my admin access gone and a note to say that everything had been sold cos the owners were bored with it now and had moved on to a new online venture (wedding websites).

So as much as these forums and online games can take over your life, there is always going to be a time when it goes pearshaped

Grepolis...for all its annoyances...is a great stress reliever...afterall..where else can you kill things willy nilly and not get thrown into jail for it? Where else can you vent your frustrations on someone and not be told off by the PC brigade for being naughty?

The game has moved on alot from when I first started playing in 2012...some good, some not so good...but then the way I personally see it, RL can be good and not so good...so to me the game is a reflection of RL, except the game is something you can change, whereas RL you can't

I have made great friends in-game...and at least one is no longer an anonymous name on the screen....all the friends I have met in-game and in person will always be friends...even a few enemies in-game have become firm friends

I am alot more wary though...but then I am like that in RL too

As long as everyone remembers that Grepolis is just a game and it does not go into the depths of a personal slag fest, that is fine...its when things go personal that problems arise, nastiness happens and things spiral out of control

On the whole its been good and hopefully it will remain that way and the escape from reality that Grepolis is now and has been, will always be the case
 

Tillerland

Guest
I play grepolis, because I like to kill staff. When I kill staff, I feel like I'm a fighter and I don't want to be a simmer, as I like to kill staff. I kill staff because I'm a warrior. Although I work as a programmer of applications for women, I'm a warrior deep in my heart!

Aditionally I play this game as an escape from RL.
My boss wants me to work in the ofiice, my friends want me to go to a party with them, my wife wants to see me in a bed. What the what?! How can I cope with all of that?! I need an escape!

But I prefer to play it honorable way, you must respect enemies, friends, teammates and chat with all of them on skype everyday, discuss hoplite nukes and funny reports where enemy's attack doesn't look impressive enough.

We all need to play it honorably, and if you show respect, and respect the respectable all, our world will be filled with honor.

Hope this helps
 

Pipps

Guest
I know where you're coming from herefordgrl. I'm actually on a break from the game right now but still check into the forums to laugh at some of the nutters (who are many and varied) but the game itself.. wow, huge stress the last few worlds. I might venture back in the New Year but frankly I'm not missing the feeling of being 'on call' 24/7. I think what changed the face of the game for me was the app. Everyone has an alarm, so everyone needs an alarm these days and you can't switch off anymore. That's more like a job than my job ever was lol
As far as trusting people in-game, making friends etc - I've tended to stick with the people I know from previous worlds and RL friends.. and only add to that little group sparingly. The grepolis gene pool is shallow in some areas and you need to be equipped with boots and bug spray, I found :D

Now I shall go back to obscurity where I really belong. The forum scares me much more than spiders ever have!
 

boris the cat

Chiliarch
Try looking at grepo from the same standpoint as Survivor. Outwit, Outlast, Outplay...Anything goes. Won a server with that strategy. If you really connect with a player, you will be in contact off game, ie: email, Facebook, etc. These players you can trust in game, as they have allowed you access to their RL. No merge of RL and game, and NO TRUST! This is a game of war, where you have to go the extra mile to win a server. Spies, broken agreements, surprise attacks, all go well in RL war. Nobody should be surprised with any of these outcomes in a war game, and a good leadership will plan accordingly. Why does EN always win? Because they plan well beforehand and others just infight. Then those bickering players get weary of the drama, and quit. Same story over and over...

Those I have met and gone past grepo are the only ones I trust. EVERYONE ELSE WILL BETRAY YOU IN THE END!!!

Cowgirl and Ruthie- Always welcome in my camp. You both know why.
 

kronnoss

Phrourach
Time seems to be the only way my lady... Time like in any form of real life builds real relationships... But I certainly agree with an above post which said once you have contact through other mediums like FB then trust is easier to give... Basically I have found the more faceless someone is the less trustworthy! Having said all this the other day I chatted with a player called Griffgriffon ... Now I instantly liked the guy and felt I could trust him immediately ... How is that? Sometimes you can just feel it...