My Life

Varun

Varun

Strategos
Alright, seriously, please do not think me as a wannabe who just wants to get sympathies or love. I seriously am not. I just feel like opening and I do know that people here are good listeners and overall, good human beings as well.

Let me begin a little bit about myself. My name is Varun and I am from India. I am 17 and am currently completing my high school.

My family consists of my mom. I guess, that is the block no. 1 in my life.

You see, my dad is a severe alcoholic. He constantly beat and bruised my mum and me for 15 years. i.e. since my birth. So we threw him out of our lives and good riddance, as a matter of fact. But still that pain and that hurt still gnaws my psyche, battering it constantly.

I am considered to be a good student by my teacher which I owe entirely to my mum, of course. She was the one who induced my passion for English Literature. I want to be a Software Engineer specializing in PC Game Design (I love games!!)

I won't comment about my relationships with girls right now since nothing is solid as yet. But still, I can tell that I do like this girl at school. But haven't had the guts to tell her about it. Oh and btw, I have been liking her since 4 years. (Honest!)

Well, what else? I am generally a guy who gets angry a lot but am trying to keep calm these past few months. Most of this has to be due to past pain(s).

I am also writing this for those who have met or are meeting with the same conditions in your own life. Please do not lose hope and certainly not your will. Know that there is someone out there who listens, who cares.

Please do not judge me wrong for writing this. I really felt like opening up a little, honest :)
 
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DeletedUser

Guest
The reason not many people talk in here is probably because nobody can place themselves in your position.

Take me for example..
I was born into a relatively rich upper middle class family, in one of the best countries in the world to live in. Never had any troubles, have a loving family. Starting a Computer Science Bsc next year at the best uni of this country, and I have an awesome girlfriend.
And I'm sure the majority here has similar living conditions, safe and secure.
Now I'm not trying to show off at all, I'm just saying that your situation is one I wouldn't wish upon anyone (even though you seem to be great today!, your past doesn't sound too appealing :p). I don't feel like I have any right to say anything about your situation or give any advice because I feel like I don't know what hardship is like. Maybe look for others who have had similar experiences to share this with, that would achieve more methinks.

Please don't take this post wrongly, there is absolutely no malicious intent. Stay strong and positive!
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Wow Varun. I really respect how after such bad circumstances you were able to persevere.
 

DeletedUser38224

Guest
I kind of feel similar to how skully does, I really don't have any right to say anything about your situation.
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
Varun said:
Alright, seriously, please do not think me as a wannabe who just wants to get sympathies or love. I seriously am not. I just feel like opening and I do know that people here are good listeners and overall, good human beings as well.

Let me begin a little bit about myself. My name is Varun and I am from India. I am 17 and am currently completing my high school.

My family consists of my mom. I guess, that is the block no. 1 in my life.

You see, my dad is a severe alcoholic. He constantly beat and bruised my mum and me for 15 years. i.e. since my birth. So we threw him out of our lives and good riddance, as a matter of fact. But still that pain and that hurt still gnaws my psyche, battering it constantly.

I am considered to be a good student by my teacher which I owe entirely to my mum, of course. She was the one who induced my passion for English Literature. I want to be a Software Engineer specializing in PC Game Design (I love games!!)

I won't comment about my relationships with girls right now since nothing is solid as yet.

Well, what else? I am generally a guy who gets angry a lot but am trying to keep calm these past few months. Most of this has to be due to past pain(s).

I am also writing this for those who have met or are meeting with the same conditions in your own life. Please do not lose hope and certainly not your will. Know that there is someone out there who listens, who cares.

Please do not judge me wrong for writing this. I really felt like opening up a little, honest :)
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I can feel a bit of what you do. Although I have both parents still together, I wish they were not. My dad, like yours, was (is) an alcoholic. He didn't physically abuse me, but emotionally scarred me. I truly despise him. I highly doubt I will ever fully recover from it, but nevertheless.

Having a dysfunctional parent (or missing one entirely) is a drastic and generally bad change. It does sound like you found a good friend in a teacher, and that teacher gave you an outlet (best thing ever).

My relationship status is odd. I struggle to believe that I can love or be loved. Even if I have feeling towards someone, I debate whether they are legitimate. I constantly wonder if it's an actual emotion I'm feeling or if it is just some passing breeze of indigestion :p

I don't get angry easily, but I get irritated rather easily. When I do get angry however (like...legit angry), there is little that can stand in my way from tearing every soul that speaks to me to tears. This also happens if I feel threatened, overly-stressed, or am exposed to morons for prolonged periods of time. Similarly, because of my past.

So, I can feel some of what you're going through, and it truly sucks (to put it lightly).

Just press on mate. Remember: "The trial only ever wins if you let it steal your smile." ~a pebble
 

DeletedUser

Guest
10destructer said:
View attachment 10114
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a pebble said:
I can feel a bit of what you do. Although I have both parents still together, I wish they were not. My dad, like yours, was (is) an alcoholic. He didn't physically abuse me, but emotionally scarred me. I truly despise him. I highly doubt I will ever fully recover from it, but nevertheless.

Having a dysfunctional parent (or missing one entirely) is a drastic and generally bad change. It does sound like you found a good friend in a teacher, and that teacher gave you an outlet (best thing ever).

My relationship status is odd. I struggle to believe that I can love or be loved. Even if I have feeling towards someone, I debate whether they are legitimate. I constantly wonder if it's an actual emotion I'm feeling or if it is just some passing breeze of indigestion :p

I don't get angry easily, but I get irritated rather easily. When I do get angry however (like...legit angry), there is little that can stand in my way from tearing every soul that speaks to me to tears. This also happens if I feel threatened, overly-stressed, or am exposed to morons for prolonged periods of time. Similarly, because of my past.

So, I can feel some of what you're going through, and it truly sucks (to put it lightly).

Just press on mate. Remember: "The trial only ever wins if you let it steal your smile." ~a pebble
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It's always the father..

My father is also the problem of my life. He's an alcoholic... a work alcoholic. Everything was for 'my own good'. He'd insult me in front of me, anger easily, yelled at mother, etc. He'd punch me in the gut when I would tell him I can't, saying 'pain is weakness leaving the body, toughen up!'. The bane of my life.

But despite that my life was alright. Relatively successful family. Many lawyers. One assistant Attorney General for a time. Many business family members. A successful salesman, traveling the world. One relative owns a number of gas stations and pharmacies. Big houses, etc. etc.

I guess what I'm saying is I can relate. Don't give up.
 

DeletedUser

Guest
Man up and tell her. You've got nothing to lose. :D

If it works you might have a gf and if it fails you will be rejected. Learn to deal with rejection because this won't be the last time you're going to face it.
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
Skullyhoofd said:
Man up and tell her. You've got nothing to lose. :D

If it works you might have a gf and if it fails you will be rejected. Learn to deal with rejection because this won't be the last time you're going to face it.
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So much this^

There's a story that I believe will help:

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
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Source: http://boardofwisdom.com/togo/Quotes/ShowQuote?msgid=18397#.UvPOUtxdVFs
 

DeletedUser

Guest
i agree with pebs, it's a risk, you have to be careful, but losing is better than never trying.
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
Cheater of death said:
Pebble you literally just ruined my day :(
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It's depressing, yes. It's meant to be, and that happens every day. Refusing to express your feelings simply because you are afraid they will not be reciprocated is doing a disservice to both yourself and the other person involved. Hopefully that story helps illustrate the point and motivate you to tell him/her how you feel.
 
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