My Story


I am writing a new book based off my imagination. I will only be sharing the introductory with you guys. As of now I have written 30+ pages over the last month. I have not decided on a name yet. Just to tell you guys, the reason someone dies is to get the point across that the king is evil. I decided character names based off of research and what I just thought would be good.


It all started 25 years ago in the Sky Palace. The Mother was being chased by King Auduron and his guards. For he wanted the child she had just delivered. He wanted to kill it because it was destiny for the child to defeat him. Since he was evil, he wanted to stop this child from even saying its first word.

King Auduron ordered, “Give me the child now or die!”

The Mother replied, “I won’t let you lay a finger on him as long as I live!”

King Auduron ordered, “Kill her!”

King Auduron’s guards stabbed the Mother in the stomach, blood spreading out from her wounds.

With a fading last breath, the Mother said, “You will never find him now…”

With that the Mother had died, she had dropped her child off bridge of the Sky Palace, into the clouds. The child fell down from the clouds and landed on the ground softly. A married couple, no later than in their 40’s, had discovered the child.

Muriel, jumping around with happiness said, “We found a baby!”

Samuel said, “Hurry up, take it inside ‘fore it gets cold.”

Muriel asked, “What is this?”

Samuel replied, “It looks like a stone tablet.”

Muriel said, “It looks like a prophecy to me.”

Samuel and Muriel studied the stone tablet when they were not taking care of the child. They had decided to name the child “Jason”. They named him after Jason, the ancient Greek hero, who went on the quest to obtain the Golden Fleece with The Argonauts. This fleece was rumored to have magical healing properties. It was there where Jason was raised for 16 years…

Chapter I: Fight for the Throne
Part I

Jason had lived a normal life over the last 16 years until news arrived that King Auduron had raided a nearby village. A tall, older man in a cloak knocked on the door. When the door was opened, the man was instantly recognized. It was Balthazar.

Balthazar said, “I am here to take the Savior.”

Muriel asked, “Who?”

Balthazar informed, “Your son, Jason, he is the savior. He is the one destined to defeat King Auduron.”

In a demanding tone Muriel yelled, “Jason!!! Come here!!!”

Jason asked, “Yes mother?”

Muriel said with sadness, “Jason, you must go with this man.”

Jason questioned, “Mother!? Why!?”

Muriel said, “It is for your own protection.”

Balthazar asked, “Are you ready to go?”

Jason replied, “I guess, but I am very confused.”

Balthazar said, “I will tell you on the way to the castle.”

Jason and Balthazar walked into the forest, down the narrow path. They walked on the path for hours until finally, the forest cleared. The first thing that came into view was a mighty castle sitting on top of a very steep hill. It took another half-hour to reach the base of the hill.

Jason said, “This is the biggest hill I have ever seen!”

Balthazar replied, “I chose it because it radiates the most magic of any hill in the land. One of the most famous heroes of the land, Gheita, was trained here. Take this sword to defend yourself.”

A woman with a dragon scale dress, a red cape with gold trimmed edges, and a crown of silver walked up to Jason and Balthazar.

Balthazar bowed and said, “I brought him as soon as I received your message ma’ Lady.”

Queen Evelynn asked, “You must be...”

Interrupting, Jason asked, “Who are you?”

Queen Evelynn said, “I am Queen Evelynn. I rule the castle on that hill you see. I personally welcome you, Prince Jason.”

Jason asks questioningly, “Prince?”

Queen Evelynn replies, “You are the prince of the Sky Palace, and supposedly the savior of this realm.”

Jason said, “I am no prince, I am just a farm boy!”

Queen Evelynn ordered, “Come now! This is no time for talking.”

Jason sighed and followed Queen Evelynn up the hill. At the top, the castle was even more spectacular than it was at the base of the hill.

Queen Evelynn said, “I will give you a tour.”

Balthazar said, “That is the training arena.”

Queen Evelynn asked in a demanding tone, “Will you drink this, I made this to help you rest tonight.”

Jason said, “No, I will not drink that!”

The potion bottle was cracked due to the drop. It dissolved the ground right before them. Jason unsheathed his sword and slashed Queen Evelynn.

Queen Evelynn said, “YOU FOOL! You were supposed to drink that and die! My master will be most disappo…”

Jason slashed her again, her skin fell off revealing her true identity. While the Bird of Auduron was cursing in an ancient language, Jason stabbed it through its torso. The bird screeched and then went limp. Jason looked over to see Balthazar crying.

Jason asked, “What’s wrong?”

Balthazar sobbing, replied, “She was my true love. If that was one of the Birds of Auduron, then that means she is dead.”

Jason said, “Her death should not be in vain.”

Balthazar said, “I will start training you tomorrow. I will show you to your room for tonight.”

Jason awoke to the smell of flowers just outside the window. Balthazar was waiting downstairs for Jason. Jason and Balthazar walked to the training arena and began.

Jason said, “I think I know how to handle a sword. I used knives on the farm.”

Balthazar was showing his technique for sword fighting.

Balthazar asked, “Did you know this?”

Jason replied, “It will take some practice.”

Jason trained and trained each day. Until one day, when he was practicing a sword fight with Balthazar, he knocked the sword of Balthazar’s hands.

Balthazar said, “I believe it is time.”

That night, a large banquet table was set out. It had a meal fit for a king. While they ate, Balthazar discussed what would be happening.

Balthazar said, “I have gathered some of the greatest heros and heroines in the land. They will help you on your way to stop the evil King Auduron.”

Jason did not sleep well on that night. He dreamed of death and destruction that King Auduron was causing.

Part II

In the morning, Jason woke up tired and drowsy. Jason went back downstairs for the last time. Balthazar was waiting with a backpack full of gear and equipment that Jason would need on his journey. He put the backpack on his shoulders making sure it fit properly. The heros and heroines were waiting outside.
The sun, now peaking above the horizon, marked the start of the journey. Balthazar explained to them that they had to make it through an ancient maze and some other unknown obstacles before reaching the stairs to King Auduron’s Sky Palace. It was night when they reached the outside of the maze. It was there that they rested for the night. They heard the sounds of some large animals fighting in the night. The group awoke to a scream as one of the heroes was being attacked by a Chimera.
The heroes rushed in quickly to help him, but the Chimera had killed him before the group got there. Everyone rushed in and killed it. However, it had scratched Jason’s chest. His shirt was now in tatters. A thin line of blood went down his sternum. The heroes held a service for the one who died, and tended to Jason’s minor wound.

Augustus looked at his map and asked, “This way?”

Elizabeth said, “You never were the navigator.”

Looking at the map, Henry said, “I believe it is this way.”

Isaac asked, “Does anyone else hear someone crying?”

They found an old woman crying at the altar of an old king. At a time before Auduron, this was the center of worship.

Isaac said, “From what I can tell, this is the center of the maze.”

The five heroes went into the center of the maze to rest for the night. They awoke at sunrise to set off on their journey to the other side.

Jason asked, “Are we lost?”

Augustus replied, “Nonsense, we aren’t lost.”

This day, the heroes did not make it back before dusk.

Jason yelled, “Chimeras!”

The heroes ran as fast as they could away from the monsters, finding the exit out of the maze. Henry looked at the entrance to the maze.

Henry mumbled, “Ah hah!”

Henry cut the ropes and the door fell down, decapitating a Chimera just in time.

Elizabeth said, “You always were good with mechanisms.”

The heroes stopped and slept the rest of the night. Jason had horrible nightmares and barely got any sleep.
When they awoke the sun dial was pointing at nine.
The forest of the Dryads lay ahead.

Jason asked, “Did anyone else hear that?”

Isaac replied, “Yes I also hea…”

Isaac’s reply is cut off when suddenly, he falls to the ground in a flash. A line of blood forms at his throat.

Elizabeth, crying over him, said, “He is dead.”

Jason whispers to the other, “I see it over there.”

Everyone glanced over in that direction. They saw a green woman with sharp claws.

Henry asks, “How are we going to defeat that?”

Elizabeth replies, “We must strike it as it goes by us.”

The group created a plan and waited for the dryad to come into the camp. When it finally came, it was night.

Jason whispers, “I just saw something flash by, I think it is here.”

Henry pulled out his blade and stabbed at the air. A loud shriek was heard as a creature fell onto the ground.

The Dryad said, “Please, have mercy.”

Henry stabbed it through the heart and killed it.

Henry said, “A life for a life. A murderer shall be put to death.”

The group of heroes went through the ruins of an ancient palace, and came to a set of golden stairs. The stairs went far up, maybe into the heavens. The heroes decided to take the chance, and went up the stairs into the unknown.

Part III

The heroes finally made it to the top. It seemed like the journey was for weeks. The beautiful palace smelled of lavender and perfumes. The group progressed further…

Henry said, “We must find a way inside.”

Jason asked, “Why don’t we go over the wall, using that ladder over there?”

The heroes climbed over the wall, going into the palace.

King Auduron said, “Well, well, well!!!! I am most glad you have shown up. I appreciate you coming to me so I can kill you.”

Jason said, “You are not going to kill me.”

Elizabeth silently sneaked around the corner and got into the throne room. She grabbed Auduron’s scepter and ran out of the room.

King Auduron replied, “I most certainly will! I am a god which means I am immortal, I have many guards and a full army waiting. Anyways, enough dilly dally. Now where is my…”

Elizabeth asked, “Hey you! Looking for this?”

Elizabeth threw the scepter to Jason. It charged with electricity, the air particles buzzed around it.

Jason thought, “I have trained for this situation.”

The staff glowed a bright white and in a flash, the orb exploded. To Elizabeth, Henry, and Augustus’s surprise, Auduron was not dead. Auduron had started to age. He looked around 80 with grayish-white hair. He had been stripped of his immortality and powers. He was now weak. Auduron was banished to a secret island with a mystery of its own. Jason walked into the throne room. The guards bowed before him, and that was how it all started…

Chapter II: Battle of the Orc Forest
Part I

Jason walked to the throne and sat down awkwardly. Jason was not used to sitting on a comfortable throne.

Sir Richard asked, “My Lord?”

Jason dismissed everyone from the room and prepared for his coronation ceremony the following day. As the sun set, the constellations on the roof of the throne room lit up from the moonlight. The night passed and morning came. The palace was opened up to the outside world for the first time in millennia. The day of the ceremony came quickly. People rejoiced and celebrated the freeing of their kingdom from an evil ruler.

Sir Richard asked, “Do you accept your new status as royalty, and the responsibilities that come with it?”

Jason replied, “Yes I do.”

Sir Richard placed the crown on Jason’s head. People from behind attached the king’s mantle onto him. Jason was given a scepter to symbolize his status as royalty.

Sir Richard yelled, “Your new king!”

There was a plethora of food on a long table. Everyone ate like kings. Auduron had given everyone just enough food to survive. The Sir Richard asked to say a word to Jason in private.

Sir Richard said, “Auduron was only the beginning.”

Jason asked, “What do you mean?”

Sir Richard said, “The Sky Palace is only a small fraction of the realm. We must free everyone from the clutches of Omidron.”

Jason said, “We should begin planning this right away.”

Jason awoke bright and early and began planning his strategy to free the entire realm.

Sir Richard said, “You should start here.”

Jason asked, “The Orc Forest?”

Sir Richard said, “Yes, it is the closest to us. It is just down the road, about a mile outside the palace walls.”

Jason said, “Okay then, I will choose my army and start out tomorrow.”

Jason chose the heroes from his previous quest to accompany him on this long journey to free the land from Omidron.
The sun has started its way up over the horizon, it was a deep orange color. The light comforted them as they travelled to the city walls. The heroes went through the gate and began travelling into the unknown…

Part II

The heroes walked down the path and finally came to a beautiful meadow. The trail became dirt and weaved its way down the hill into the forest. A war horn sounded…

Henry yelled, “It’s an ambush!”

Elizabeth commanded, “Defensive positions!”

Goblins began running down the hill.

Augustus asked, “Is that the best you’ve got?”

Orcs with huge iron blades slowly stumbled down the hill.

Jason said, “Attack the throat, they are too fat for blades to penetrate the torso.”

The last orc falls with a huge thump. The war horn sounds once again. Armored orcs begin to walk down the hill. The heroes tried to stab at the necks, but their swords could not penetrate the armor. Augustus grabbed one of the orc swords and it went right through the armor, killing the orc.

Augustus said, “Grab one of the fallen orcs’ swords! They will help.”

Finally the orcs were no more. Night had come and the heroes rested in the camp. In the middle of the night, the war horn sounded. The heroes awoke suddenly, and drowsily unsheathed their swords. Orc giants came up to the top of the hill and began firing.

Jason yelled, “Slash behind their knees!”

The crippled giants fell to the ground, and tried to defend themselves. They threw boulders all over the place. Jason jumped down on top of a giant, his sword stabbing it in the breast. The last giant died with a mighty roar. The heroes slept until noon. They ventured down deep into the forest. When the undergrowth cleared, they saw an ugly looking castle with green vines growing on the walls. The columns at the entrance were crumbling into ruins.

The Orc General said, “I see you have made it past Auduron. It does not surprise me at all since he was as stubborn as a mule.”

The war horn sounded and the army started across the wooden bridge.

Henry yelled, “QUICK! Cut the ropes!”

Jason launched himself into action, landing right down on one of the two ropes. He started chopping as the army neared the center of the bridge. SNAP! The bridge began shaking to one side. Some goblins fell off the bridge, into the Forbidden Valley of the Really Pointy Rocks. Henry started on the second rope. The army was almost to the edge when the rope broke and dropped the army. Those who did survive were hanging onto the vertical bridge for life.

Elizabeth yelled, “Augustus, look out!”

Augustus turned in time to stab the goblin behind him.
The remaining portion of the army made its way around the back exit of the castle. An arrow landed near Jason. Elizabeth pulled out her bow and began firing into the battlements.
The goblins started charging into the area. The mages were firing weak fire balls. Elizabeth fired arrows at the mages, but the mages simply guided them off course.

Augustus said, “I totally saw that one coming.”

Orcs were making their way through the forest, chopping down trees as they swept through. The Orc General was leading the way. This is where they made a foolish mistake.

Henry yelled, “Hey you! Get over here you pile of dirt.”

Angrily, the orcs ran right into the trap. The spring tightened sending the metal fist into the crowd. It pushed all the orcs off the cliff instantly.

Augustus said, “We better get moving.”

The heroes went around back to find no entrance to the castle at all.

Elizabeth said, “I see a door, it is at the bottom of the cliff.”

Augustus asked, “Who wants to go first.”

Henry asked, “Why don’t you go first since you got us off track in the maze?”

Elizabeth commanded, “Knock it off you two. The last thing we need right now is someone being a jerk to another person. We have to work together if we are to succeed in our mission.”

Henry said, “You are right as always.”

Henry hooked a rope into a harness and fastened it into the rock wall of the cliff. The heroes went to the bottom one by one. The door was made of rotten wood. Jason kicked the door open. The guards on the inside were alerted.

Jason yelled, “Elizabeth, quick!”

Elizabeth fired arrows into the mages. The guards ran away, into a secret location. The heroes walked down the hallway until they came to a large set of double doors. It had a large B carved into the wood.

Jason said, “This isn’t the orc’s castle, they took it over. It appears they did so many years ago.”

Jason opened the door cautiously.

The Orc King said, “I am surprised you made it this far. My army should have stopped you right in your tracks.”

Augustus said, “Your lousy excuse of a general is dead.”

The Orc King ordered, “KILL THEM!”

The elite orcs charged at the heroes. Unlike regular orcs, they could run and swing fast. While everyone else was fighting, Henry snuck by unnoticed.

Henry said, “I am going to avenge whoever you killed to get this castle.”

The Orc King said, “I myself know you don’t have the guts to do it.”

Henry stabbed the Orc King through the heart, killing him.
The ghost of an elderly man appeared. He bowed before Henry and began talking...

The Ghost of Bart said, “Thank you for freeing me. You have saved me from this torture. I was killed many years ago here by that Orc King. I bid you all luck on your journey to free the realm. I will support you all the way…”

The voice of Bart faded out as Jason held up his sword. A bright light shined through the window and the Ghost of Bart was gone. Henry looked around and saw that the fighting was over.
Many dead orcs lay sprawled across the floor.

Jason said, “Some of the orcs escaped. I interrogated one before I killed it. The goblin told me the location of their secret hideout and the location of their Captain.”

Henry asked, “How many orcs are left?”

Jason said, “About 50, all under the command of the Orc Captain.”

Elizabeth said, “We should hide before sundown. We would be dead if we stay here for the night.”

Part III

The heroes walked out of palace as the sun was setting. The last light faded as the sun fell below the western horizon. The heroes quickly climbed back up the wall, and hid in the trees where the orcs could not find them. The heroes awoke before morning and searched the forest. They finally found where the orc camp was. The camp was located in a very cold section of forest where only pines grew.

The Orc Captain said, “Alright my fellow orcs… We must be prepared for those scoundrels that killed our king and general. We must seek our vengeance on them by torturing them and killing them one by one.”

A cheer arose from the orcs that were still alive.

Jason asked, “Where is Augustus?”

Augustus yelled, “HEY YOU! COME AND GET ME!”

Elizabeth said, “Idiot.”

Henry said, “There goes the element of surprise.”

The Orc Captain made a wide grin with his yellow, worm infested, teeth showing.

The Orc Captain ordered, “Capture them!”

The 50 Elite Orcs all charged at once from different directions and made it difficult to find and escape route.
Elizabeth fired an arrow.

The Orc Captain yelled, “OW! You coward… Come here and fight like a man.”

Elizabeth said, “I am more man than you are.”

The Orc Captain turned deep green and started yelling. He stormed over to Elizabeth.

Henry said, “You fell right into our trap.”

The Orc Captain looked over to the side just as two giant logs were released from their positions. They crippled the Orc Captain, crushing his ribs and causing internal bleeding.

The Orc Captain said, “You will not get away with this. You will die you evil little brats. My men will kill…”

And with that the Orc Captain died from the rib that had pierced his heart.

Jason yelled, “I need help! I can’t hold them off forever.”

Augustus said, “Okay, fine if you really need it.”

Augustus stuck his tongue out and started helping sloppily. The dark clouds were beginning to lighten up. The last orc fell with a shriek. The clouds dissipated and the sun lit up the sky. The battle lasted over 14 hours.

Elizabeth said, “We better find a place to stay for the night.”

Jason said, “The next place on our map is the Frozen Mountains.”

Henry said, “That explains why it is so cold out here.”

The heroes found a spot and went to sleep at dusk. A small noise awoke Jason. His vision was clearing when a mask went over his face.

Jason demanded, “What the? Who is this?”

Jason was gagged with an apple. He could not see who was kidnapping him. Jason could only imagine what was happening to everyone else at the camp. Suddenly, he was knocked unconscious by a large rock, and dragged off onto the trail by an unknown figure...

Chapter III: The Frozen Mountains
Part I

When Jason awoke, his arms and legs were bound to ice pole with ice shackles. When Jason defeated Auduron, the orb exploded. The power of Auduron transferred to Jason. Jason started warming up his body to a very high temperature. The ice melted quickly, and surprisingly the guards did not notice. The ice shackles snapped and Jason was free.

Jason asked, “Elizabeth?”

Elizabeth replied, “Stop! Don’t hurt me anymore!”

Jason said, “Relax, it is only me.”

Elizabeth said, “What a relief... I was scared for a minute.”

Jason said, “Here, let me melt your shackles.”

Jason quickly melted through Elizabeth’s shackles.

Elizabeth said, “Let’s find everyone else.”

When Jason found Augustus, he was bloody and badly bruised from being beaten. Jason melted the chains off of Augustus, and Elizabeth helped get Augustus to safety. Jason found Henry and melted off his shackles.

Henry said, “About time we have to fight again, eh?”

Jason said, “I am afraid so. Augustus is badly injured and can’t fight.”

Henry said, “He isn’t much help anyways. He is just in for it because he is getting paid.”

Jason said, “It is still my responsibility for his wellbeing.”

Elizabeth said, “I put him in a safe hiding place. We have to fight without him.”

The heroes ventured out of the cave where they were being kept. An army was spotted near the top of the mountain. Frozen minions of Dominus Fulmen and some ice veterans. The heroes worked their way up the mountains until they reached the top platform that had been carved out of the rock. An alarm sounded as Jason’s arm grabbed ahold of the rock. All the heroes got up onto the platform before the minions could get their weapons. One nearby got slashed by Jason. A voice echoed over the mountain.

Dominus Fulmen yelled, “YOU dare invade my lair!? YOU will die! MUHAHAHAHA!”

Jason said, “That is what everyone else has said to me.”

Suddenly, a whole army appeared out of nowhere. All of the soldiers were frozen. The soldiers unsheathed their weapons and got ready to fight.

Elizabeth said, “My arrows will be ineffective in this fight. They can’t pierce solid ice.”

Henry said, “We should hurry, they are getting closer!”

Jason said, “We need to defend our territory and push as many of them as possible into the volcano.”

Elizabeth said, “Oh, I didn’t see that.”

Elizabeth smacks her forehead. The minions were about 50 feet away now.

Jason said, “Prepare yourselves. Do not give up because we are making it out of here.”

The minions aimed their weapons at the heroes and prepared to strike. Out numbered and cornered, the heroes were preparing to die. Suddenly, a bright light came down and the minions ran away screaming as their bodies melted into slush.

The Ghost of Bart said, “I have used up all my energy. I have saved you this once so you can continue on your mission. Farewell for now!”

The light dimmed back down to normal and the bodies of 12 frozen minions lay on the ground, in puddles.

Jason said, “We better get moving.”

Elizabeth and Henry replied in unison, “Agreed.”

The heroes went and dug a snow cave on the other side of the mountain, a good distance away from the enemy camp so they would not be found again. When morning came, the sun began to heat the desolate mountains. Elizabeth awoke to see a mare on Jason’s chest. Jason was calling out strange things and his limbs were moving as if he were running away from something. The mare turned and Elizabeth saw its black eyes. It hissed and slammed down on Jason’s chest, causing a great deal of pain.

Elizabeth yelled, “GET OFF OF HIM!”

Henry mumbled, “What is happening?”

The mare pressed down even harder and it screamed. It caught fire and was vaporized instantly into black sand. Jason’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around, bewildered.

Jason said, “We need to leave... now...”

Part II

When the heroes arrived back at the platform, a whole army was there. They seemed to be discussing a plan to find Jason and kill him.

The Servant of Snow said, “We can’t let him escape. He has already done too much damage to our forces.”

A soldier whistled and pointed right at Jason. Jason ducked down before anyone else could look.

The Servant of Snow asked, “You saw Jason out there? You better check it out and make sure it was not him.”

The soldiers were dismissed and a small group came to investigate the sighting that had occurred earlier. Jason had decided to be prepared. The group went and looked over the edge of the cliff. Jason jumped up and decapitated one of the minions. The other heroes jumped up onto the platform and killed the remaining minions. Jason spotted the Servant of Snow and started to sprint. He slashed with all his force. The Servant of Snow fell to the ground and applied pressure to the location of the wounds. Red blood dripped onto the ground. Jason raised his sword.

The Servant of Snow said, “Please don’t kill me! I am only a girl. I was cursed by Dominus Ultimus.”

Jason lowered his sword and saw her coughing and blood dripped onto her hand. He had only a couple minutes to act before she drained out of blood. He began to enact a spell and his hands shot a bright yellow light out from the palms. The light turned white and Jason turned to the Servant of Snow. The light shot out and hit her. Her wounds were healed and she was no longer bound to Fulmen by spell. He could no longer control her. She did however, retain her powers over the snow.

The Servant of Snow said, “Call me Katherine.”

Jason said, “We better get back to the others.”

The battle was very close at this point. Katherine summoned ice to stab the minions, but nothing happened.

Dominus Fulmen said, “You fool! You can’t rebel against me. I can cancel your power out with mine.”

Jason said, “You can’t stop this…”

Jason released a fireball at Dominus Fulmen. A wall of ice came up and shielded him. The blast of the fire rocked the mountain. There was a large hole in the ice wall. Jason ran over to the wall and stabbed right through what remained. Dominus Fulmen panicked as the sword stabbed through the wall.

Dominus Fulmen said, “I will not die, I am immortal!”

The wall shattered. Jason swung his sword. Dominus Fulmen quickly summoned a new army to fight the heroes right before being decapitated. The body of Fulmen lit itself on fire and burned until nothing was left. The fire was as black as could be.

Katherine said, “You just freed this mountain from the evil that has plagued it for the last 2,000 years.”

Jason asked, “How old are you again?”

Katherine said, “I am older than that since I was cursed when I was 16. I haven’t aged at all since then. I suppose now I am aging again since the curse is broken.”

Jason said, “Where is the army that he summoned?”

Katherine said, “From what I can tell, it is down the path a little bit. It is deep into the mountains. I can’t control the snow completely until all of Fulmen’s men are dead.”

The heroes climbed up the wall of ice that led to the peak of the mountain. They then began the steep hike down the path which led to an area surrounded on all sides by mountains.

Katherine said, “I sense the army is somewhere in this area.”

Suddenly, bodies formed out of the snow in the valley.
A cold wind blew through the valley. A cold wind blew across the area where the heroes were. The army began to march up the side of the valley. The battle had begun.

Part III

The heroes charged down into the valley to meet the army of ice at the center of the valley. The sun now began to set and an eerie cold chill settled on everyone. Snow had begun to fall all over the valley.

Katherine said, “Without a leader to aid them, they should be weak.”

Jason said, “Let’s hope so.”

Dominus Fulmen said, “Well, well, well…”

Katherine said, “It can’t be…”

Dominus Fulmen said, “But it is!”

Jason said, “I killed you.”

Dominus Fulmen said, “I gave up all my powers so I could live again. I will destroy you now.”

Katherine asked Jason, “Do you have a plan.”

Elizabeth said, “You melted our ice chains earlier. You could try doing that on a larger scale.”

Henry said, “We need to hurry!”

The army was 2000 feet away. The sky was covered in thick clouds. The snow was now beginning to form a blizzard.

Dominus Fulmen ordered, “CHARGE!”

The army began to sprint through the snow, moving effortlessly through the harsh conditions.

Elizabeth asked, “Does everyone agree on that plan?”

Henry and Katherine said in unison, “Yes.”

Jason raised his hands up and the air buzzed around them as they began to warm up. A bright flash of light shot out towards Dominus Fulmen.

Dominus Fulmen mumbled, “You will pay for this.”

Dominus Fulmen collapsed in the snow. The storm faded out and the clouds dissipated. Now, all that remained was the army.
The two forces met at the center of the valley. The wind was calm and the constellations lit up the night sky.

Jason said, “Remember the new plan we discussed.”

Elizabeth yelled, “Hey you! You oversized ice chunks. Come and get me!”

The army charged after Elizabeth and Jason.

Katherine said, “We must destroy the source of their power.”

Henry asked, “And what is that?”

Katherine replied, “It is an ice crystal over three millennia old.”

Henry asked, “Where is it?”

Katherine replied, “It is right under your feet.”

Henry said, “I feel stupid now. The ground is glowing bright blue and I didn’t even notice it.”

Katherine and Henry began to dig. Jason and Elizabeth were leading the army off the mountain and into the area at the edge of their map. They hoped this area was warm enough to melt them into water.

Jason asked, “How much further?”

Elizabeth replied, “I am guessing about another mile of running.”

Jason said, “I hope the others hurry and get the power source destroyed.”

The crystal was finally dug up out of the ground just as the edge of the snow was in site.

Katherine ordered, “Step on it!”

Henry smashed the crystal with his foot. A beam shot into the sky and the remnants of the crystal were gone.

Elizabeth said, “Well, we are cornered and outnumbered. I think this is the end.”

Elizabeth kissed Jason.

Elizabeth said, “I hope we will meet again in another life.”

The army began to melt rapidly. Snow and ice fell off of all the soldiers. The army began to flood the low lying field. Jason started to attack the helpless ice soldiers. The soldiers melted into a large puddle that covered a 1000 foot field.
That night Jason thought about Elizabeth kissing him. He had a decision to make.

Elizabeth said, “Augustus should be able to fight tomorrow if need be.”

Jason said, “I do not know if fighting will be required tomorrow. The next area we must go to is a swamp.”

Henry said, “I have heard of that swamp before. Nobody ever comes back alive if they go there.”

The heroes enjoyed the nice warm night...

Note that this is not the end of the story. Just the end of the first section.
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Joseph Nieves

At first the King trying to kill a baby made me think of King Herod killing baby boys. Then the baby being found made me think of baby Moses being found in a basket floating in the river. Seems interesting, hope you share more with us in the future :)


I only spoiled part of chapter 1. It is not the whole book. Thing is, Jason does not even know Auduron is his real father.

a pebble

You need a new opening sentence. The "it all started..." thing has been done billions of times and wasn't effective then. The first sentence is always the most important.

Also, do you have to refer to the cooks as "it" in the scene?

Id recommend making the dialogue more realistic both in individual sentences and conversation progression.

Also, nit pickick, blood "spreading" sounds odd.

Explain how he survived that fall. There are clouds, it must be high.

Give some hint to who Muriel is. Thought it was a guy at first.

The detail about the fleece is out of place and unnecessary. Feels odd.

Overall, not bad. Needs more development and explanation. If you plan on revealing things later that I said to explain more on, that's fine, but then you need to give more flow between ideas and leave a deliberate reason for me to wonder. Atm I'm only curious about the story elements because there was a lot of missing explanation as to what they ever were. Also, may I suggest to get rid of any intro you want to do. Just call it your first chapter. A prologue is fine if it only explains the world and how it typically operates.

Do know this is not me being rude. Just giving some advice.

P.S. - thanks for derepping me for a forum bug, Archon...
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Also, this error appears on top of the page sometimes...

Warning: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in ..../includes/class_bbcode_alt.php on line 522


Another double post! Man, this bug is taking over the forum... But, its mostly mods...

Hasan Naqvi

Your post will get made despite the error message, but its very annoying, especially when i am not suing quick post.