Printers - Creatures from the underworld

[DeletedUser]

Enter the Minions of the Devil​

It is my belief that printers are creations of the Devil made to instill hate, anger, loathing, rage, misery and murder amongst the hearts of every human being.

The Distinguishing Trait​

To start with, printers, unlike any other technologies, are remarkable in the fact that they still suck as much as they did as when they were in last century.

The Purchase​

You are lured in by the printer's double-digit price, amazed by it's sleek surfaces, blinking lights and all of it's features are described with an exclamation mark. It's probably a three-in-one combo printers, which means that it will suck really hard at three things instead of just one.

The Setup​

This is usually delayed when you drive all the way home just to find out that they didn't include a bleeding PRINTER CABLE!

The software is just as bad. Although you may have the newest printer on earth, you'll still find that it has software dating back to World War II. You're tempted to start the third one, but you swallow your pride and download the PrinterCrapBundle.exe, which is a massive multimedia suite that you will never use but will run endlessly in the background, even if your printer is switched off.

:Angry:TeH PRINT!:Angry:​

Your printer not only prints stuff, but it also comes with a free bonus feature, it'll scrunch up your paper as well. "RAWR! I has teh hunggaarrrr... Gives me yor expensive photo paper. om nom nom nom nom......."

I suspect that the error messages you get are randomly generated by arranging and rearranging the words "load", "tray" and "error".

The quality for printing photos is awesome if you only print one in it's entire lifetime. It also refuses to print unless every single colour is fully stocked.

Your beloved machine also enjoys going on strike at the most crucial times, like in 3 am when you're trying to print a work report that is due that same morning.
"Please... Oh God! JUST PRINT! I BEG you!"
"Hahah no sir F U"

:supermad:Ink Cartridges:supermad:​

Pen (ink contained in plastic) - $0.05
Ink Cartridge (ink contained in plastic) - $25.00
Either printer ink is made of unicorn blood or we're all getting screwed.

Then you have the joy of expiring printer ink that won't work.
* Meat: It will expire unless you stick it in your mouth within a certain date.
* Printer Ink: It's just a load of gloop that doesn't even have to go in your mouth.

***​

To conclude with, printers are a conspiracy to quicken the extinction of happiness.

Rep if you enjoyed! Derep if you didn't. I probably won't even notice

 

[DeletedUser]

Ha, me and lord Satans plan, to destroy all joy among the human race with our infernal machines is working > (Ahahahahaha= evil laugh)

You will never stop us! Glory to our lord Saten!!!