So, you've just become an Evil Overlord. Now what?

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Jennesis

Guest
With EN’s recent showing of strength, numbers, and ability to launch a load of attacks that actually include LS I think it is fair to say that they can officially be considered the Evil Overlords of Bellapoopoowhatsashosit.

From experience I can attest to the fact that being an evil overlord isn’t easy. In addition to it being a lot of work to maintain your evil overlord status, It can also be boring, and even lonely at times. So, for those of you in EN that have not yet experienced this magnanimous status (and let me tell you, there aren’t too many people in this world that won’t be impressed by your prowess at an MMO), allow me to provide for you some of the wisdom I have gleaned from my time as a reigning Evil Overlord of Grepolis.

Chapter one: Why being an evil overlord is boring, and how to combat it.
Being an evil overlord means that just simply playing the game isn’t enough. Your enemies stop building troops for you to kill, if they don’t just ghost outright at the first sighting of your LS heading for their city. Some of them hit the VM button in the delusional hope that things will look better in a week or a month. And some just walk away never to look back upon the seas of Grepolis (or at least the seas of the server you claim overlord status in). Whichever course your enemy has taken, it all amounts to the same thing for you. There is no one left to pwn, and YOU’RE BORED TO TEARS!!!!! But don’t worry, you don't have to resign yourself to sending your slingers on little boating trips to the resource store (ie: that city that used to belong to an actual person but is now just a farm). This lull is simply a passing state that takes just a bit of creativity to keep things interesting. Having a great deal of experience with this whole Evil overlord thing (don't believe me...I've been compared to Darth Vader). Suffice it to say...I know what I'm talking about.

Things to try when being an Evil Overlord in Grepolis becomes as much fun as watching paint dry.

1. Declare war on your friends. Everyone knows pacts are for noobs, but we also know that the only way to really be an evil overlord is to convince a few other aspiring evil overlords to be your allies…at least until you’ve got yourself set up. The problem is, what to do with them once you’ve killed off all the evil overlord wannabe’s that wouldn’t pact up with you. Face it, they’re not really your friends anyway, and you just KNOW they've got some troops for you to kill in their cities. Furthermore, if they had any kind of self respect they never would have pacted with you and settled for the number two spot in the first place. Really…it’s in their best interest that you pwn them into next year now...before it's too late and they start to think THEY are the Evil Overlords.
Note: for maximum evil overlordness pull the pact roughly 5 seconds before you’re set to launch on them. Don’t worry about that stupid “we’ll give you 24 hours notice and time to prepare clause you signed. Everyone knows you only included that bit to seal the deal.​

2. Make use of the forums. This is where the real battle takes place, cos if you’re not calling someone a noob at least once a day you’re not really an evil overlord. I should warn you, however, that you need to develop a rather thick skin. Noobs don’t like being called noobs for some odd reason.

3. Never admit that you made a mistake...even if you do. Even if you send out an attack and forget to include your LS…you meant to do that. Come up with something, anything to justify your actions cos Evil overlords don’t make mistakes. Everything you do has a purpose and if those noobs can’t figure it out than they’re even bigger noobs than you first thought. You should remind them of this often.

Chapter two: Why being an evil overlord is lonely, and how to combat it (AKA: learning to love your inner MRA)
Being an evil overlord is lonely. You can’t bombard people with attacks, call them noobs, conquer their cities, and not have them hate you just a little. There is really only one way to combat the loneliness that comes with being an evil overlord and that is to embrace your inner MRA. They’ve been calling you an MRA from the start, and you’ve been denying it…but is there really anything wrong with being an MRA? I mean, it’s not like there are so many Elite players to go around and if all the ones that haven’t quit for one reason or another are already in your alliance like…what are you supposed to do? You have no choice…if you're not willing to become a smaller version of your current Evil Overlord self you have to lower your standards. Lowering your standards is infinitely better than getting smaller. Smaller is scary. Smaller looks like you might be beatable. And hey…this little guy that can barely spell the word Hi, and thinks 5 LS is sufficient cover for 100 boats full of archers and swordsmen, is one of the few that fully appreciate your evil overlord status. They’re practically wetting themselves with joy at being allowed to sit at your table. And…as an added bonus, they’ll do all kinds of noob maneuvers for you to explain away when you get called out on the externals (see Chapter 1, parts 2&3 for how to handle the forums). Justifying the inclusion of clearly inferior players among your ranks to all the forum trolls calling you an MRA can literally replace actually playing the game, and greatly aid in overcoming the boredom and lonliness that come with being a true Evil Overlord.

Chapter 3: You’re still reading this? (AKA: You must be bored :p)
That's it. There is no chapter 3. Go. Build a slinger. pwn a noob. you know you want to.

Next up:
So, you’re being pwned by an evil overlord. Ways to make your uber fail a FUN fail. Tips from a retired Evil Overlord.
 
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Deadly Truth

Guest
So you've become irrelevant on this server and post meaningless drivel.

This is what happens when 1m ABP achievement is failed, just like your alliance.
 

gunnellator

Phrourach
did i just waste 5 minutes of my life reading this piece of drivel. this is what happens when an alliance puffs up their chests then fail epically
 

Deadly Truth

Guest
I literally just read "So, you've just become an Evil Overlord. Now what?" and realized the remaining 8 paragraphs would just be meaningless garbage. Half of which is made up and the other half would have 0 substance. Something tells me I was right.
 

curly123

Strategos
did i just waste 5 minutes of my life reading this piece of drivel. this is what happens when an alliance puffs up their chests then fail epically
You do realize that you could have read it for 30 secs, decided it was drivel and consequently saved the next 4 and a half mins of your life?. You do know there was no requirement that you had to read it :p
 

Deadly Truth

Guest
You do realize that you could have read it for 30 secs, decided it was drivel and consequently saved the next 4 and a half mins of your life?. You do know there was no requirement that you had to read it :p

I imagine it was witnessing a car wreck, you just can't look away it is so horrible you don't believe what you're seeing.
 

Jennesis

Guest
Wow. I'm supposed to be working on a writing exam right now, but the lady has been out so she's late to send it. Figured I'd go ahead and write.

Was trying to be a bit lighthearted and give everyone a laugh. These things I suggest...are things I've actually done in the past so I'm laughing at myself as much as anyone else.

Lighten up guys. It's just a game and it's meant to be fun...
 

Jennesis

Guest
Well, you might not appreciate the humor here but I'm sure some will. As you were.
 

gunnellator

Phrourach
You do realize that you could have read it for 30 secs, decided it was drivel and consequently saved the next 4 and a half mins of your life?. You do know there was no requirement that you had to read it :p
i do realize that but i continued to read because i wanted to see exactly how much drivel there was in there, turns out its all drivel
 

Jennesis

Guest
Oh...lighten up. It's just a game for crying out loud. Learn to laugh at yourself. I did. It makes life more fun.
 

Deadly Truth

Guest
Last thing i'd be caught doing would be taking life lessons from you.
 

Jennesis

Guest
Last thing i'd be caught doing would be taking life lessons from you.
You know what I think. I think I just hit the mark...and maybe just a bit close to home. Guess the rep you left me should have tipped me off ;)
 
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Deadly Truth

Guest
Yeah me and bang had a rough patch in our relationship, especially after I booted him out of EN. We're over that now.

Still fail to see a point your making here.
 
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