DeletedUser46395
Guest
The Carystus Carrion
Issue The First
Bringing Fake News and Lies to Carystus since Day 1
The Oldest and Best Newspaper in Carystus
Best Looking Editor
Smartest Bear in Captivity
Truth through lies.
Welcome to the Carystus Carrion, the oldest and best newspaper in Carystus. Apart from the others.Issue The First
Bringing Fake News and Lies to Carystus since Day 1
The Oldest and Best Newspaper in Carystus
Best Looking Editor
Smartest Bear in Captivity
Truth through lies.
In a packed issue, we will look at:
- Questions we've been asked (and no, it's not the Editor's round)
- Assessment of the Top 10 or so alliances
- Humourous anecdotes
- Other made-up stuff
IAQ - Infrequently Asked Questions
Why Carrion? Surely you mean Clarion? Well you might think so - clarion being a fairly usual newspaper name, and as a shrill war trumpet, it might be more appropriate. But we'll be picking over the bones of dead meat, and our journalistic standards are at the level of the Carry On films and I love bad puns, so Carrion it is.
Why a Competition prefix? Isn't this a newspaper? Well possibly it is. I would love to use the Newspaper prefix, but currently, the Competition one is the only one available to me, and Baudin is apparently ignoring me, so Competition it is.
Will you be giving lots of stuff away in competitions? No. I'm too mean. Besides, what kind of paper pays the readers? Should be the other way round. Send me stuff in game.
Can we take your reporting as Gospel truth? Only if you're an Atheist.
Will you boldly go into war zones and shed light on what's going on? Of course, unless we just make it up.
Can we expect even-handed and unbiased reporting from the Carrion? As much as with every other newspaper in the world.
The Carrion view of the World
We'll analyse the top alliances and give you exclusive insights into what's going on with the unique Carrion view. And stench of rotting meat.
Invicta - have some of the best players in the world, but something is wrong with the leadership leading to severe internal strains. An attempt to restructure has not resolved these issues. Their stated aim is to win this world; The Carrion can't see them lasting beyond Christmas in current form.
The Evil Empire - modfodder.
Who Cares - run by Dumb and Dumber, you just know this lot will struggle through the server due to poor leadership. But honestly, who cares?
Black Widows - Perennial food, but currently off-limits to the Editor, sadly.
The Varengian Guard - Perennial also-rans. Some quality in there, but not enough to make a major impact on this world. As usual for VG.
D.T.L. - An MRA joke, just look at their inactives already.
Dark Union - who? Actually, seeing some of their toxic assets, you can be sure they will have a miserable time losing this world.
Rogue Traders - bunch of useless gold traders who can't even do that properly. Losers.
DTH Avengers - more like Chrysler Avengers, they're old, rusty, utterly unsexy and nobody wants them. More of that MRA rubbish.
The Champions - or rather The Chumpions. Poor alliance. Nothing else to say.
Deuces Wild - Seriously, who? Complete unknowns.
Oh hell, that'll do for now...
Amusing Anecdotes
An incredibly good-looking and intelligent recruiter received this application - names changed to protect Monkey Trouble:
Hi,
My name is REDACTED and I would like to join your alliance.
Experience:
Is this your first world? Almost certainly
Since when do you play on this world? Since the beginning, but I got rimmed
How long have you been playing Grepolis? Too long
What is the highest city score you have achieved? City score is meaningless
Location: How many cities do you have in which ocean? I have 1 city in oREDACTED
Alliance Activity:
Have you ever been in an alliance? No, people suck so I avoid them
Do you actively participate in the alliance forum? I constantly fight with myself in my own private forum so that I don't get lonely
Have you ever had an administrative position within an alliance and would you be interested to perform such a role? I accidentally take over alliances. I don't want to, but I can't help it.
Greetings,
REDACTED
In other amusing news, everyone's favourite player Witchunter General has already been rimmed. Bit of a shame for The Carrion, we can normally rely in his antics to fill space. Oh dear, how sad, never mind.
Fight Stats
Sorry, can't be bothered. Maybe next time...
So that will do for Issue the First, hopefully people will give me more to go on for the next one. And who knows, I may even be able to give it a Newspaper prefix next time!