Newspaper The Carystus Carrion, Issue The Turd, sorry, Third

  • Thread starter DeletedUser46395
  • Start date

DeletedUser46395

Guest
The Carystus Carrion
Issue The Turd, sorry, Third

Bringing Fake News and Lies to Carystus since the day after tomorrow
The Oldest and Best Newspaper in Carystus
Best Looking Editor
Smartest Bear in Captivity
Truth through lies.
​




Well with the appearance of this turd, sorry, third issue, The Carrion is now officially the longest-running paper in Carystus, so our intelligent, hard-working, diligent and good looking editorial staff please take a bow. (Er, you shower, I'm talking to you. Yes, you. No, I know you're none of those things, but no need to tell the punters...)


Lots of scoops this week, which is why we're bothering with an issue. And as soon as we've eaten all those scoops and wiped the ice cream mess from our faces, we'll get to work...

News from the Alliances

The world's most handsome diplo, Richard Thrust, has been caught out telling porkies about Invicta. RT said that they were "not insecure about public forums" which to the surprise of none of our hacks has proved to be grossly untrue as the sexist paranoia behemoth that is Mac rumbled into overdrive. Far better to get worked up about perceived insults than to address the major concern of the server, eh, Mac? Full marks there, nice to see you haven't lost it. Whatever "it" might be. :)

TEE have attempted a charm offensive by showing their human side. It's come as a huge shock to all that they actually have anything remotely resembling a human side, and of course they border more on the offensive than the charm, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no? And who knew they were capable of independent thought, either? AI HAS moved on a lot.

Rogue Traders have been accused of using the external forums for propaganda - shock! horror! how dare they! - and of attempting to manipulate the news outlets. Remedy to that one is simple - write your own paper. Every paper in the world reflects the views of its proprietor, and The Carrion is no different; the only difference is we don't claim to tell the truth. But the primary purpose of The Carrion is entertainment. Tell me it's not entertaining, and I stop writing it. Simples. Otherwise, we will simply mock mercilessly everyone who gets upset by us. And everyone else, for good measure.

The poetess, great Silver Witch
Said "the papers are all in a glitch
The Bear writes them all
So the truth content's small"
Bear said "write one yourself, and don't b
e afraid to fill it with lovely rhymes.


Who Cares? - our intrepid reporters keep trying to find out what's going on here, but sadly, nobody cares enough to tell us. And we don't really care enough to ask.

Sauces close to Phobia tell us that they have agreed a pact with Bloods so close that they are effectively another branch of Bloods. There's certainly a lot of unrest in the camp, with some people leaving already and chances of further leavers to follow.

Our sauces also say that Written in Blood now has 5 branches. This particular bit of information remains unverified, as we can't get the hacks out of the pub long enough to get to the bottom of it, but we can be sure that Jim and Ruth are in full hug mode so if it's not absolutely factually correct, the essence of truth is in there.

Pandemonium is the new entity forged from the ashes of DTL and Black Widows. We consulted a metallurgist about the practicalities of forging anything successfully out of ashes, and he said it was a fool's errand. Well actually, he said something much ruder that even we won't print... suffice it to say that we watch developments with interest.

Fight Club have been confirmed as a tool of TEE. TEE apparently were furious that Invicta and Rogue Traders decided to go for FC early on, and are even less impressed that the secret identity of FC is now out - they hoped that the name alone would stop people talking about them. The fact that FC members go around telling people that their relationship with TEE is a secret rather gives the game away...


I'm afraid that's all we have time for this week, but then we weren't planning on putting an issue out because we're too bone idle. Excitement at becoming the world's leading paper got the better of us.

Hopefully, we can have some more content next issue.
And some of it might even be worth reading, but don't bet your house on it.
​
 
TobiramaSenju

TobiramaSenju

Phrourach
Respect for you, Best newspaper i've seen in any world. Well presented and all accurate
smiley_emoticons_thumbs-up_new.gif
 

DeletedUser46395

Guest
***LATE EXTRA***
​
King Soos is making a complete fool of himself trying to stir up trouble between Rogue Traders and Invicta. He's set up a 1-person alliance, Invicta III, and has sent an MM to RT (the alliance) claiming to invite everyone to "the new O44 alliance Invicta II."
Unfortunately , nobody has been taken in by this feeble effort, and the only reputation damaged by it is....that of King Soos. Muppet of the Week.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

King Soos

Strategos
Bearissimus said:
***LATE EXTRA***
​
King Soos is making a complete fool of himself trying to stir up trouble between Rogue Traders and Invicta. He's set up a 1-person alliance, Invicta III, and has sent an MM to RT (the alliance) claiming to invite everyone to "the new O44 alliance Invicta II."
Unfortunately , nobody has been taken in by this feeble effort, and the only reputation damaged by it is....that of King Soos. Muppet of the Week.
Click to expand...
not only rogue traders got the mm
 

DeletedUser54192

Guest
King Soos said:
what else did i do?
Click to expand...
I was sort of hoping you'd ask that. You spied on HEROES for certain Imperium leaders on en94. Or have you done so many dodgy things that you don't remember individual cases?
 
Silver Witch

Silver Witch

Strategos
Bearissimus said:
The Carystus Carrion
Issue The Turd, sorry, Third
​
The poetess, great Silver Witch
Said "the papers are all in a glitch
The Bear writes them all
So the truth content's small"
Bear said "write one yourself, and don't b
e afraid to fill it with lovely rhymes.
Click to expand...

Richard Thrust said:
Glad someone spotted the theme.

Why didn't you just do a full top 12 and add that in there instead of being lazy and trying to piggy-back off something else?
Also kind of you to mention the swimming.
We don't swim.
We have a boat. Saves our socks getting wet. We will go a long way into 55 though since you probably won't.
Click to expand...


Dry Socks

Write a paper Wise One? thats your job not mine,
I prefer to read it, while drinking vintage wine.
If RT thinks thats lazy, he can take a hike,
Your propaganda messages are sounding quite alike.

I note you failed to mention, TEEs achilles heel,
They unexpectedly confessed, that Bears their courage steal.
This sounds like quite amazing luck, for you if not for us,
So sail right now to 55 and do take Richard Thrust!

I know you cannot swim there, Richard says you need a boat,
For Propaganda Traders, with wet socks do not float.
You cant get there with humour, however hard you try,
But if you sail there slowly at least your socks are dry.

smiley_emoticons_halloween_confused.gif
​
 

DeletedUser46391

Guest
Love it!

Have an anaphora. :)

Twelve lines,
Twelve lines of four in three stanzas.
Twelve lines of four in three stanzas with an AABBCCDDEEFF rhyme scheme.
TWELVE LINES - of four - in three stanzas - with an AABBCCDDEEFF rhyme scheme that calls to a protean metre and hates syllabic's.
Twelve lines that weren't edited.
Twelve lines that don't like being read out loud.
Twelve lines that force rhymes with no respect for breath. So breathe deeply.
Twelve lines that sit on a page while men sit in a rage at mixes of opinion - Both say there's red in the south but what shade?
Twelve lines that use repetition repeatedly, preposition secretly and will spoil hats made of metal if not regarded with respect.
Twelve lines where one line was needed yet no words were heeded an ego - was pushed.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

DeletedUser46395

Guest
Richard Thrust said:
Have an anaphora. :)
Click to expand...

The ointment normally clears that up in a few days.

A doggerel sonnety type thing seems appropriate:

We sail the seas of Carystus
With socks around our ankles
And noone can embarrass us,
No Oracle of Zancle.
We read the mighty Carrion
The voice of truth and reason
That brings us tales to tarry on
Of wars and pacts and treason.
Some rail against it's honesty
Some call it propaganda
For why? It is no mystery
They would themselves be grander.
We prick the monstrosity
Of their pomposity.



And in general, if anyone wants more balance in the reporting, just drop me your side of the story. A lot already do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top