The Kings Rage-Prologue

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DeletedUser44426

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The arrow pierced the man's heart as he stumbled forward into the hot pit of molten gold. Another arrow flew by and struck the opposing general in the head, causing him to fall into the pit as well. I reached to pick up my fallen sword and noticed a huge man break through the doors wearing iron padded armor and bearing a monstrous axe. Three men rushed at him, but were easily swapped aside by his arm. I managed to get up, and slowly walked towards the huge man. His laugh was deep and dangerous as he saw me approach.


"You dare confront me puny man?" He laughed, "If you seek death, then I will easily give it to you." He charged at me and swung his axe. I dodged his attack and managed to stab him through his left leg. He howled in pain and kicked me towards the pit. I got myself up and picked up the spear of a fallen warrior. The huge man pulled the sword out of his leg, and blood rushed out from his open wound, like water from a fountain. He flung the sword at the wall and faced me.


"I will make yours a slow death puny man." He roared. He ran at me, and I quickly sidestepped him and quickly pierced his foot with the spear. He fell face first into the pit, and remained there. The mans axe lay by him as I picked it up. It was heavy, and was made of a metal unknown to him. It had a foreign inscription on both sides and was very sharp. I looked around for my surviving men, but none could be seen. I limped my way outside and looked upon a plain of dead bodies. No men of mine survived, and the enemy was marching its way towards the building I stood in. I turned to run but was brought down by an enemy soldier. My sword fell far from my reach, leaving me vulnerable to the man.

"Look what we have here," The man said darkly, pressing his sword against my neck. "Don't worry, I will make sure to let your father know of the great deed you did today." He sliced his blade across my throat and I could feel the hot blood rush over my body. The taste of blood entered my mouth and I could hear the man laughing loudly. Everything I saw became blurry and soon the light began to fade. I could no longer feel anything, as if I had lost contact with the physical world. The darkness took me in as I moved no more.
 

DeletedUser8396

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Two critiques:

You started mid way. This is bad practice. If you meant to do this for the prologue, fine (I guess), but it would be better if you had an actual beginning.

Second, the story was exceptionally short. You have good imagery- use more of it. You have good content- add more of it. You have gold and your readers should get more than a small coin when you have the storehouses ready.
 

DeletedUser44426

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I have more of the story done, but I am just finalizing it. I started the prolouge off like this because this story is meant to be in a different view point of a different protagonist. The prolouge is meant to kill off the original protagonist, whom has his own story in a prequel. Out with the old, in with new. Does that make any sense? I didn't think of it to be a good idea to give the old protagonist more story time, considering that he has his own story.
 
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