Newspaper The People v. Kannibal Kal

Discussion in 'World Pagasae (en97)' started by MAC-9, Oct 19, 2017.

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  1. MAC-9

    MAC-9 Hipparchus

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    THE PEOPLE V. KANNIBAL KAL



    JOINT HEARING

    BEFORE THE

    SUBCOMMITTEE ON BASH CANNIBALISM AND MARRIAGE PROPOSALS

    AND THE

    SUBCOMMITTEE ON ESPIONAGE AND RUSSIAN AFFAIRS

    OF THE

    COMMITTEE OF GREPOLIS OVERSIGHT AND FOREIGN RELATIONS
    FOURTY-SEVENTH GREPOLIS CONGRESS
    FIRST SESSION

    October 19, 2017

    Serial No. 115-30

    Printed for the use of the Committee of Grepolis Oversight and Foreign Relations
     
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  2. MAC-9

    MAC-9 Hipparchus

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    THE PEOPLE V. KANNIBAL KAL

    Thursday, October 19, 2017

    GREPOLIS CONGRESS
    SUBCOMMITTEE ON CANNIBALISM AND MARRIAGE PROPOSALS AND THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON ESPIONAGE AND RUSSIAN AFFAIRS OF THE COMMITTEE OF GREPOLIS OVERSIGHT AND FOREIGN RELATIONS

    The Subcommittees met, pursuant to MAC-9 calling out Kannibal Kal, at 12:27 a.m., in the MGGA War Roster Thread. Kannibal Kal was called out for producing 800k bp in a manner not sanctioned by the Grepo Gods. Since the original charge, other offenses have been brought forward and Kannibal Kal is charged with using spies and he himself being a Russian Spy, colluding with russians, and being denied maxi's hand in marriage and getting super jealous over it... like super jealous like you wouldn't believe super jealous. Kanibal Kal has been found guilty of all charges until proven innocent beyond an unreasonable doubt. Chairman of the Subcommittee on Cannibalism and Marriage Proposals presiding. What say the People?
     
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  3. DeusVult

    DeusVult Hipparchus

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    On behalf of the people bringing forth these charges, it must be said first and foremost that Kannibal Kal is not only a menace to our society but also a threat to the freedoms and values of every patriotic citizen in Grepolis.

    Regarding the most grievous of the charges, it has been found that Kannibal Kal is not only at the head of a parasitic russian spy ring, but that he himself is also a russian spy. He has continuously colluded with the russians to undermine this great democracy without remorse. It is believed he may even be under the influence of russian mind control.

    Equally as heinous it has been found that Kannibal Kal has slandered the honorable and proud name of MGGA, by accusing them of cannibalizing BP. What makes this slander particularly disgusting is that he himself is a Kannibal, found guilty of cannibalizing 800k BP in an attempt to try and make himself appear as a slightly decent player in our great community. This is an affront to the grepo gods, and will not be tolerated.

    In addition to these already grievous offenses, it has been found that Kannibal Kal has developed an obsession, irrational jealousy, and dare I say even hatred for maxi ever since it has been revealed that he was humiliatingly rejected by maxi in regards to his marriage proposal. In the end no matter how many love letters, and rings he bought for her, it could not sway her decision. She would not, she could not say yes to a BP cannibal. The transcripts of this marriage proposal will be brought forth further into this hearing. In consequence of this obsession of Kal's to consistently talk about maxi, she has reluctantly decided to file a protective restraining order against the accused, Mr. Kannibal Kal.

    And last but not least, it has been found by multiple physiologists and doctors that Kal has indeed contracted a strain of "Itis". This particular ruthless strain of "Itis" is also known as the "Hate Us Cause They Ain't Us Itis". This has had several devastating effects including: irrational saltiness, insatiable hate, and a relentless need to babble incoherently whenever he has the opportunity.

    Under the precedent set by Kal's own fiendish words, Kannibal Kal has been pronounced guilty until proven innocent beyond an unreasonable doubt on all 4 counts under the authority and benevolence of the six divine Gods of Grepolis.

    Pursuant to final sentencing for these grievous actions, it is recommended that Kannibal Kal be indefinitely institutionalized at a MGGA detention facility in Northeast o44, out of the reach of his fellow rim noob cronies.
     
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  4. MAC-9

    MAC-9 Hipparchus

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    THE PEOPLE V. KANNIBAL KAL

    Thursday, October 19, 2017

    GREPOLIS CONGRESS
    SUBCOMMITTEE ON CANNIBALISM AND MARRIAGE PROPOSALS AND THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON ESPIONAGE AND RUSSIAN AFFAIRS OF THE COMMITTEE OF GREPOLIS OVERSIGHT AND FOREIGN RELATIONS
    Let the record show that an additional charge of contracting the Hate us cause they ain't us itis has been brought forth. Kannibal Kal has been found guilty of this additional charge until proven innocent beyond an unreasonable doubt.
     
  5. TJ Kaniben

    TJ Kaniben Taxiarch

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    Your honors, I present Exhibit 1. The charged attempting to spy on an MGGA Council meeting

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. DeusVult

    DeusVult Hipparchus

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    Let it also be heard before this venerable committee that this is only one form of Kannibal Kal. As we all well know, evil takes shape in many forms. This is just a single form that the despised Kannibal Kal has been known to take while conducting his deviant spy activities.
     
  7. Undertakerexpress

    Undertakerexpress Taxiarch

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    Exhibit 2-Kannibal Kal conspiring with the Russians to plan a Zerg Rush

    images (14).jpg

    images (15).jpg
     
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  8. MAC-9

    MAC-9 Hipparchus

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    I present,

    Exhibit 3a: Kannibal Kal immediately after he caught the hate us cause they ain't us itis
    man-with-flu.jpg.653x0_q80_crop-smart.jpg

    Exhibit 3b: Kannibal Kal knowingly and willingly trying to spread the itis
    photos.medleyphoto.8275556.jpg
     
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  9. DeusVult

    DeusVult Hipparchus

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    To this venerable committee, I present Exhibit 4A. The charged attempting to spy on honored MGGA soldier Maxi. Presented as supporting evidence to support the issuance of MGGA Protective Restraining Order #1A against the accused, Mr. Kannibal Kal.

    kal 1.jpg
     
  10. DeusVult

    DeusVult Hipparchus

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    As further supporting evidence of Kannibal Kal's rejection by Maxi I present Exhibit 4B. Presented in Exhibit 4B is a photograph taken in the aftermath of Kannibal Kal's marriage proposal rejection in his subsequent attempt to drag himself after Maxi before being hauled off by MGGA Secret Service to be questioned on his strange and obsessive ways. The lingering question in the air is... why does Kannibal Kal talk about maxi so much?

    kal 3.jpg
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
  11. TJ Kaniben

    TJ Kaniben Taxiarch

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    Your honors, testimony from the MGGA Secret Service will be provided in a closed session, for obvious reasons
    [​IMG]
     
  12. TJ Kaniben

    TJ Kaniben Taxiarch

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    Mr Chair, with special permission from the MGGA Secret Service, I submit this evidence of Kannibal Kal in isolation at an MGGA black site, contemplating his crimes and grieving for his lost love for Maxi whilst awaiting trial. you can see how much he truly loves Maxi, from the way he cowers in the corner.
    [​IMG]
     
  13. DeusVult

    DeusVult Hipparchus

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    Let the record show, that MGGA officially can neither confirm nor deny the existence of MGGA black sites.

    However, when dealing with a Kannibal of Kal's standing, this is where he would most likely be held. He must be kept separate for obvious reasons, foremost being the fact he is, after all, Kannibal Kal.
     
  14. MahimCFC

    MahimCFC Lochagos

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  15. Notmad

    Notmad Chiliarch

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    Well it looks like you guys are having some fun
     
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