A Timeline Of Your Average Krypteian CS Attempt

SonOfMacedon

Guest
9:00 AM The Morning Before The CS Attempt

You finally finished building that 2800 pop slinger nuke after twice wasting it before it was finished, once because you were drunk and the OV guy next to you complained that you only hit him while he's sleeping, and the second because your buddy didn't have enough clearing attacks for his CS. Idiot. At the moment, him building birs in that new city just pisses you off. So, you settle into your computer chair, open up your troop overview, and get to work.

9:30 AM

You haven’t even looked at the troop count of your cities yet and have updated both your Facebook and Twitter five times. A girl you used to date in high-school is texting you pictures of kittens with motivational phrases, after you explained to her that you have so much "work" to do today. The pictures are lame, but it’s obvious she’s into you and it’s really nice and sunny outside. Maybe a short break wouldn’t hurt…

1:00 PM

You're back at home. After parlaying your text conversation with said girl into a mid-day “break” and teaching her a bit about human anatomy, you realize you still have not started planning your CS and you haven't even picked a target yet. You log on to Grepolis again to try and get some planning done, wondering if maybe taking the city tomorrow wouldn’t be such a bad idea. After all, then you're gonna have some of those LS fleets back from the siege-break.

2:00 PM

You have gone through and completely reorganized your Messages inbox and deleted all the useless reports. You’ve also pretty much planned out your Alliance's entire plan for Wonder islands and compiled three lists of players worthy of being on the islands. You haven’t even looked at your own troops. Your attack planner is still empty, untouched. You just can’t bring yourself to open it, as if doing so will unleash some kind of horror. You have literally done everything else on your to-do list for the next six months, except plan this CS.

2:45 PM

You finally actually start opening your cities one by one. The act of doing so actually sends chills down your spine, and a wave of confidence washes over you.

3:00 PM

You have now had enough cigarettes that somewhere, the Surgeon General is praying for your health and well-being. As you notice the time you realize that you’ve made it through about a third of your cities, though you’re pretty sure your target city will be empty anyway. You check to see if you got any more replies for your PnP on the externals. Damn. This one got deleted too.

5:00 PM

You finally realize that going to bed at 6am was a bad idea and decide to take a nap. You’ve planned out your entire list of cities and inputted everything into the attack planner. You try and sleep. You’re haunted by virtual Grepolis troops in your dreams. In a Troy-like scene, you fight off a horde of Chariots with 10 hoplites. It’s weird.

6:00 PM

After only an hour of sleep your mobile alarm wakes you with a flashing incoming attack, and you're even more tired than before you took a nap. You’re fairly certain your CS is planned to perfection. You should be fine. You’re just glad the wait is over and you can start attacking. You decide to grab a beer to keep you company for the night.

7:00 PM

You're 4 beers in. Your target goes offline in an hour. You recall the LS you were hiding in the neighbouring city and check if you have enough Athena favor for some Heroic Power spells. You go to grab another beer, realize there's no more in the fridge. You grab the half-full bottle of Whiskey.

7:30 PM

The Whiskey bottle is almost empty. You read another message from an OV player complaining that you only attack them while they're sleeping. It just angers you even more. You decide purely out of revolt to try sending 2 CSs instead of one. You're gonna have to split attacks and support between the two targets though. Your entire Attack Plan is now completely useless.

7:45 PM

The Whiskey bottle is now empty. Harbor check doesn't show any Militia activated. Let's make that 3 CSs instead of the 2. Best go on Skype and ask for additional support, although you doubt you'll need it - OV haven't tried to break a siege in months.

8:00 PM

First two CSs are wet. Spy report of second city shows only birs, no land clearing needed. Despite your sexist comments on Skype, people offer you 10k birs and 30k LDU. You see on the forums that there's another 4 Vengeance cities under siege. Noobs.

9:00 PM

All attacks and supports are wet, you missed timing an LDU nuke and two bir nukes. You justify to yourself that you won't even need them since OV hasn't built an offensive unit since Valentine's Day.

9:30 PM

You send out that 2800 pop sling nuke with 30% attack bonus. Just as you click the attack button, your buddy calls you and tells you there's $2 Coronas at 'The Hole'. You quickly cast whatever spells you can on your attacks, post on Skype for an Earthquake, and set a timer on your phone for when your CSs are supposed to land.

10:00 AM The Morning After The CS Attempt

You couldn't check whether your CSs landed since 'The Hole' is in a basement and you had no cell-phone signal. Later in the night you were too busy talking up that cutie in the pink skirt that you completely lost all interest in Grepolis. You finally log on to see hundreds of new reports. You quickly sift through them to see that you landed 2 of the 3 CSs.
You read the message from the OV player you just conquered raising the possibility of joining Krypteia, and you write a four word response, "Recruitment is currently closed." You see that your big sling nuke didn't kill anything since the city only had 100 swords in it. You decide to go for another city on the island tonight. You settle into your computer chair, open up your troop overview, and get to work.

SonOfMacedon -
General of the Krypteian Phalanx Task Force, Captain of the South Oceans, Diplomat of the South-South Eastern Regions, Commodore of the Supreme Oceanic Poseidon Tactical Task Group, Admiral of the Obsidian Joint Fleet Command, Alliance Judge Advocate-General - Justice of the Krypteian Empire, Emergency Response Force 21-A Commanding Officer, Assistant Director of the Office of Personnel Management, Alliance Communications and Cartography Specialist, Assistant to the Manager of Research & Development, Brother of the Order of The T, Starfighter Wing Group Commander, Director of Alliance Internal Affairs and Strategic Planning, Regional Commander of the Alliance Counter-Intelligence Agency (OTPHJ division).
 

Kslay

Guest
Ok I actually did read it

Funny stuff :)

Oh, and I think ur an alcoholic
 

13KDog

Guest
Lol, its like listening to the voice on the other side of the mirror
 

spookytooth1

Guest
a bit of a dissapointment to be honest I cant belive you drink Coronas thats a womans beer sheeze