City of Silver

Argentis

Phrourach
As the wagon approached the gates a guard atop the tower called, "Who goes?"
"Tanis the merchant, I have the mead for the festival!" came the reply.
The gate began to shudder as the steel grate was raised. As the wagon rolled through the guard called "Shut the gate, you there hold!" as he noticed a small group of mounted men approach the city walls. The men halted as the gates began to close and the guard looked visibly calmer. "Who goes?" he called.
A large man dressed in Polished silver greaves and a silver chainmail shirt rode forward. "I am Argentis of The Silver Legion, and I have come to claim your city in the name of Zeus. Open your gates and surrender the city at once!"
The Guard scoffed and replied, " At once my lord..." and turned to signal his men. Immediately 6 archers appeared at the city wall and trained their arrows on the men below.
"You will drop your arms and surrender to the Night Watch! We will see how funny..."
With a thud the Guard hit the ground and the Archers turned to see the Wagon driver standing over the Guard and 15 Slingers and hoplites poised to attack. Rounding up the hostages The Silver Legion took possession of the City Gate and gained access to the city. Stripping the defenders of their uniforms and hiding them in the armory bound and gagged, Argentis posted his own men at the gate and entered the city unopposed...


 

Argentis

Phrourach
If anyone wants me to continue this story please post your comments here and I will add to it. Constructive criticism welcomed.


 

Fallschirmjager

Guest
Sadly, I disagree.

Don't take this too to heart, it is only advice.

I. Everytime a new person speaks, start on a new line.

II. Paragraphs would be useful.

III. Too much speech and not enough description is a bad combination.

IV. Don't rush in immediatley with speech. Hook in the reader.

V. Nouns and verbs don't need to be in capital letters, if they are not the first word in a sentence. eg, Polished.

VI.' '' 'Is what I call 'kindergarten' speech marks. Make your story look developed and mature by using single ones.

Regards, FMJ.
 
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Argentis

Phrourach
Thanks for your open and honest assessment.
I will seriously take note of the points you have made and try to 'Polish' my writing style.
 

Argentis

Phrourach
The Silver City had prospered for many years under the wise guidance of Argentis and tales of their success had spread far and wide.
Argentis was disturbed from his duties by a knock on the door of the council chambers.
'Sir, an intelligence report from the cave.' reported the Captain of the Guard.
Argentis replied, 'Thank you Captain, I'll read it now.'
As the Captain turned to leave Argentis opened the scroll to examine the contents.
'What does it say?' enquired the Administrator.
Argentis read the report slowly so as to ensure that he got all the details correct.
Then he slowly turned to his Scribe and said...
'Summon the War Council at once, we are under attack.'
As the Scribe ran from the room Commander Tyson, Leader of the Silver Legion Naval Fleet turned to Argentis and laughed, 'Who would dare attack us?'
Without a hint of humor Argentis replied, 'We face an enemy that outnumbers us by ten to one.'
* * * *