nubbins on 5/17/11
Good things from goblinhorde? That can't be ... oh I think you mean HoblinHorde, yes we've heard good things from them as well. But see they're on the island over yonder, not here at all. If you just send your restless armies east a bit, you can't miss 'em.
Well can't argue with the beautiful wenches bit, we certainly do have those... only thing is, you know that disease thing I mentioned earlier... well lets just say that our women folk will kill more of your soldiers than any of our warriors can. Actually come to think of it... yes we have many nice wenches, half price for all your toughest soldiers.
No sleep? Really? Wow that sounds pretty good actually. Our goblins are a lazy bunch, need at least 10 hours a day, 15 if there's work that needs doing. Though they do manage to get by on 4 hours sleep on Sundays. Though gotta say your sleepless warriors will never surprise the goblins, as although we be a lazy bunch and need lots of sleep, we expect to be attacked always... so there ain't no time that we'd be surprised to be attacked.
Turn about is fair enough though. We return the offer, once we have conquered your peoples we shall also treat your people well, though since your warriors don't sleep they will be getting extra work shifts, tis only fair.
Something you gotta know about goblins, they don't take too well to prosperity. If you treat 'em to well they get all restless and bored, think they're better then what they are. Then ya gotta deal with 'em trying to stick their pig-stickers in ya back and talkin back and defecating in the gardens and whatnot. I don't think this wealthy beyond belief business will go down too well with the horde. I think I best continue to rule the goblinhorde, as like a favour to you so you don't needs worry about their mischief.
Rondrews0703 on 5/17/11
Well, I am certainly considering your offer, but my armies have been so restless lately. They thirst for conquest and have heard nothing but good things from the GoblinHorde.
In fact, it has been rumored you have some of the most beautiful wenches in the ocean. There is simply no amount of gold that can make up for a beautiful woman. I'm sure you will dodge me now and then, but you can't hide forever.
We of Lothlories of the Samurai Clan simply don't need sleep. So when a Goblin least expects it, we attack with impunity.
But this is a promise from me to you, I will treat your people well. I will make certain they are fed with nothing but the finest our oceans have to offer. Your city will be recognized from all parts of the oceans as a fabulous tourist attraction, and your people will be wealthy beyond belief.
I just don't see why your people would turn us down. We are simply the finest alliance around.
nubbins on 5/17/11
Rondrews0703 of Lothlorien of the Samurai Clan,
We of the GoblinHorde are honoured to be thy foe and will proudly defend our city against your invasion, standing forth in open battle.
Well, maybe not so much in pride as in desperation, and there will be none of that standing forth in open battle rot, I mean we are goblins after all. Our style is more hiding in the shadows and shoving our pig-stickers into your backs.
But rest assured our pig-stickers are sharp and goblins desperate, so no need to fear that the upcoming battles will be uneventful. After all we are the largest settlement on the island we inhabit, and the honour of the island must be upheld. Actually belay that nonsense, we just have a strong desire not to be rimmed
Oh and you really don't want to try and take our small, decrepit, backwater of a village. I mean we don't even have a proper sewage system. Slops just get chucked out on the street, smells horrendous. Tis really not worth your while at all. Our neighbouring cities on the other hand... wow, you should see the mansions that they have. Its been told that their streets are lined with gold!!! Yep you heard me right, streets of gold!! Oh and they've got trees that grow candy-cane, whole orchids of 'em, and every day is Sunday there, just think, imagine living in a place that every day is a day off!!
Yes, I really think you want to be attacking someplace that is a lot more pleasant, someplace with clean streets and enemies that stand forth in open battle, not with grubby little creatures that poke you in the back.
Oh and the diseases, we've got the most horr....
Anyways, yes well enough of that. Just wanted to say hi and all to our friendly invading neighbours.
Regards,
Nubbins
