Our Favorite Noobs

TRULY YUMMY

Phrourach
The noobs we run into all reveal themselves to us in predictable ways and we have seen them many times but for some reason i always am intrigued by them. Must be like watching a puppy. You know what it is like but you watch it and laugh anyway at its antics.

One of my favorite noobs has to be the one that tries to convince you to join his awesome alliance of world dominators. He tells you of his vast experience on many worlds over several years of playing.
So you check him out! You already know (or at least expect) what you will find but you do it anyway. Probably because the Build Que is full, you have had several beers, and You are bored.
The first thing you notice is that he must be planning on conquering every ocean. Of the 8 people in his alliance only two occupy the same ocean. None are within days of you by LS. That kinda explains why he asked you to join. You are in a part of the world where he doesn't have someone. At least we would not be getting on each others toes. Another reason he asked you is probably because since you just started this world a couple of days ago, you appear very near each other on the player rankings. He only has 1 guy that may be able to get off his own island. You wonder how he is planning to fulfil the promise of helping defend you if you are attacked. I am sure he is so awesome he has that covered. For you that do not recognize sarcasm, i am holding up a sign for you.
So you pull up a few tools and are not surprised. He has 16 cities on 11 different servers. Well got to give him one thing, he is a professional account starter. Most are around 1k in size but one account has 3 cities (his largest) so you look into it. You see that he has had in total on this account 6 cities. Yep. he gets a city up to 4 or 5k and someone takes it from him. Two of the cites in his illustrios career he actually conquered. That is sort of funny since he only has a total of 7 ABP. The two cities he conquered were about 1k each. Most likely inactives that had been cleared. He seems to be good at losing cities.
You look at his medals and are truly impressed. I personally suck at all the little mini events, but this guy is good at them. He has numerous medals showing that his hoplite was great, his chicken laid great eggs and he knew a lot of alchemical recipes. Still, not exactly what i am looking for in a leader.

Which method should i use to refuse the request.
A. just ignore it
B. Say Go Away Noob
C. Tell him that although you recognize his awesome alliance and leadership potential, you have other committments.
D. Patiently explain why he is making a mistake in the hopes that he will learn.
E. Accept the invite in the hopes that i can lead my hoplite and chicken to greatness in the next event. And Alchemy is kinda cool.

What is your favorite noobs?
 
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ShastaCola

Guest
well we all need people to build cities for the rest of us
 

pflug jason

Guest
my favorite noobs are the ones that tell me where they live by there city names or in there profiles lol
 

ShastaCola

Guest
my favorite noob is the one who attacks me without lightships. that guy is hard to top
 

TRULY YUMMY

Phrourach
wow ShastaCola. i had forgotten about that type of noob. Not had one in so long. I really miss them. If i ever find another i will not do something stupid (like kill them). I will love and cherish them forever, or until they get tired and quit.
 

Archon of Corinth

Guest
uhmm can I say ingame mods or is that against the rules? :eek:
 

TRULY YUMMY

Phrourach
Well i found some new Noobs. I have several noobs on my island and there have been a few hits by some big dudes (20+ cities)a few hrs away. A couple of these big bad guys actually conquered a couple of cities near me. Those cities were only about 1200pts. I bet that was a challenge. I was almost 2000pts so i knew they would probably target me, (unless i was too big for them). sure enough the feeler attacks started. They were all kinda small for a guy the size of the one that was sending them so i built a few B's and met the next attack. between the B's and the DLU, the attack went very well. The guy left me alone after that.
I thought Hmmm. if they are hitting me, they might try to conquer one of these little guys on my island, even though they are not ripe yet. I wrote a nice little letter explaining the situation and waited. 3 did not answer, 1 talked to me and asked questions and thanked me for the warning. 1 sent back a one word answer. NO. Not sure what he was no'ing yet. Now all of these little guys have joined small noob alliances. I think the little Noob training objectives try to get everyone to join something, just to get the reward.
I decided to send a sword to each of them to trip wire. I thought that if one got under conquest i may be able to bust it with my land units. Do him a solid and get some bp's. I never expected the reaction i got from that. One of them demanded that i remove my spy from his city at once. I tried to explain the function of a trip wire (i am patient with noobs). I got nowhere. I pulled it. But it seems that he told his noob alliance that i was spying him. Now i got 4-5 of his friends sending at me. One sent a transport 30+ hrs at me. No LS just a transport and some slingers. I was surprised it wasn't full of swords. His alliance is like the one i described above. Some of his mates are 4 oceans away or they would be trying too. Well since his alliance is pacted with every other noob alliance in the world, Surprise, Surprise, another guy on the island sent me a msg stating that he was sorry but they were now at war with my alliance (just me) and he would have to kill me. Remember these are guys that i had intended to try and help.

Morale of story. don't have pity, just kill the noobs and be done with it.

Even though i am totally against having more than one city on the same island, i have decided to conquer 2 of them soon as i can. Probably get the one on a nearby island too. Unfortunately most will survive. I refuse to pursue them through all the oceans. I'll just have to be satisfied with the BP's they send me.
 
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Surabaya Jenny

Phrourach
I decided to send a sword to each of them to trip wire. I thought that if one got under conquest i may be able to bust it with my land units. Do him a solid and get some bp's. I never expected the reaction i got from that. One of them demanded that i remove my spy from his city at once. I tried to explain the function of a trip wire (i am patient with noobs). I got nowhere. I pulled it. But it seems that he told his noob alliance that i was spying him. Now i got 4-5 of his friends sending at me. One sent a transport 30+ hrs at me. No LS just a transport and some slingers. I was surprised it wasn't full of swords. His alliance is like the one i described above. Some of his mates are 4 oceans away or they would be trying too. Well since his alliance is pacted with every other noob alliance in the world, Surprise, Surprise, another guy on the island sent me a msg stating that he was sorry but they were now at war with my alliance (just me) and he would have to kill me. Remember these are guys that i had intended to try and help.

Morale of story. don't have pity, just kill the noobs and be done with it.
hahahaha awesome :D but you have to admit in retrospect your swordman WAS a spy -- he told you a lot about how noobish your island neighbor actually was LOL
 

The Grep Rimmer

Phrourach
PM's that read

Kanz I joyn your ally?

Hi its me (followed by name)

can you spell me some transport?

Ive sent my support- what time does the CS land?

so let me get this right - we arent supposed to attack the green ones?

Can I be a leader?

Q Why are you attacking me? A I didnt my account was hacked 5 mins ago

yeah those weird green sea serpenty things

facepalm
 
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person67

Guest
my favorite noob is makro 356. He was in the same alliance as me so he is a massive noob
 

Nisseonbeer

Phrourach
I had 1 the other day
Noob: Why you attack me
Me: its a war game.
Noob: i never attacked you
Me: yea you dint, someone have to start and i like the free BP u give me
Noob: you lost some troops too why you say its free( I was killing slings with sligns :D)
Me: yea i suck to this war game, maybe you can teach me?(sry i cant stop troll them)
Noob: its really eazy game, just dont attack anyone and you dont lose troops and spend time build ur city.

and there i gave up, couldt stop laurgh.

PS. sry noob if you read this, was just having fun.
 

edaken

Guest
hhahahahahahahha if u brag about 4 cs failing, then whatam i supposed to do after over 20 of ur alliances cs failed? u bums keep on sending, and i return nothing, why nothing u ask? cause they all dead!!! all ur feable attempts are dead, destroyed, defunct, murdered, mutilated, flailed, flogged, reaved, raped, all dead!!!!!!! ur alliance unwritten synphony will never be champs, and shall always be chumps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!