Paws

DeletedUser46838

Guest
I took this poem from my figment.com account ( a writing website) and would like to share it to you
my username on their is Lord Kronos

The puppy,

Full of joy and happiness

Leaps onto his paws

And yelps in a high pitched voice .



Back on its paws,

It crawls around its

Neighbors backyard,

sniffing the delicious scent of grass.



He sees a fluttering butterfly

And tries to capture it with its paws.

The butterfly dodges it

And feeling frustrated

Swipes at teeny weeny butterfly again

And miss.



Giving up,

The cute puppy

Heads back into the house with its muddy little feet

He crawls upstairs into his basket and

Closes his eyes

And goes onto another adventure...zzz
 

DeletedUser

Guest
It's good but there aren't enough adjectives describing what is happening. Punctuation could be a bit better. Keep writing and improving, and one day revisit this :)
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
Interesting writing style. Slightly choppy, but that isnt always a bad thing (if one can use it well). As said above, keep working on writing and eventually come back to some older ones and improve on them. I do it a lot.
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
Well this is very good for a 9 year old! I'd be interested in seeing what you can do now.
 
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