The Inner Me By WarLord MKD.

DeletedUser

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Hello Xi.
since Grepo has become a part of my daily life now, i would like to share with you, i would like to introduce my self in a way never done before. I have an Online Blog and i will be updating it, and i beleive that it will be a bit of a good idea to post it here too. I hope you too can do similar posts on this thread if you can. thanks guys, and btw, i am listining to my heart will go on by celine dion (titanic song) so i am a bit calm. haha.


Saturday 18th of december 2010, no timing in my bubble

I’m her to touch, to express and to connect, welcome.
My life is a mixture of art, rebelling, strangeness, music, architecture and designing, it’s a roller coaster life, so step into my world and accompany thru my journey.
do me a favor, put your favorite song on first than start reading,
They say its not the destination, it’s the journey, well what if your journey is leading you to so many destinations, but you just have to pick one. I am 17 years young, I’m colorful, my life is a mystery, many want to be me and many don’t want me to be me. I’m a son of a torn-apart family, the only son, cousin and the only nephew to the family. I live in Lebanon, an Arab country and I am Christian. I will start with my location, because I’m in an eastern country but with the life of a western teen, im really miss understood by some, I’m usually a very crazy person, it takes a lot to understand me but once you do you will never want to leave me. I live in my own bubble, a bubble made of ambitions and dreams, fueled by music and art and motivated by architecture and interior design. I feed on attention, I want it 24/7, I want to be in the spotlight all of the time, I want my name on everything because I think that I have endless potential, and I want to explode like a bomb and leave behind me great works of art. 2 things will get me high, good RNB music and old Europian buildings. I want to start a revolution, I feel like something is moving in me sais Jason Derula, well Jason, ditto. In RL I have few friends, I pick them carefully and trust them endlessly, online I have sisters and brothers who love me to pieces, I have friends that would fight the world for me, risk anything for me, I have people who I consider as my rock and support and that I shelter in them when the ground shakes underneath me, I have people that I look up to so much (that’s you kapparoo), but I only have one all-in-one, my best friend, sister, my rock and my inspiration, shes my Oompa. I feel like cruzing the streets with my windows down, with music loud as hell. Music is my oxygen, dancing is my engine, singing is my passion, it cures me and cleans my body, it runs thru my veins, It makes my skin jump up and down and it closes my eyes. My dream and efforts are for Hollywood, it’s what I want and I’m getting it. I feel like a traitor, backstabbing my gift, ever since I was a kid designing buildings and furniture is what I did, I’m extremely talented and I have styles that very little people have on this planet, people get tears in their eyes when they see my drawings and I just fly high with satisfaction. The thing that drives me crazy is the things that people envy me for, my talents that each pulls me to a different corner. Who owns my heart? Is it love or is it art? Or is it my love for art? I have never been in love, never slept with a girl actually and I’m a quite attractive straight person, it’s just that I don’t care for those things, all I can imagine is new York and Hollywood, London and Moscow, I close my eyes and I picture them, I hear music even though it’s not in my ears. But what im expected to do is architecture, I feel really bad with the idea of me dumping this talent for Hollywood, but Hollywood is what I love, why can’t I just be both? The people I meet stare at me, they tell me your going to be such a successful person but I just want to be happy, I want the world to stop when I listin to Akon, I want the time to just stop with music in my ears……..
I won’t talk anymore today, but I will post daily, thank you for reading looking forward to your feedback, help me decide and accompany me thru my journey, I’m a very fragile person I’m afraid that anything will hurt me, but I will just recover and keep going.

Recommended music for the day : Christina Aguilera and nicki minaj – woohoo.
Welcome into my world.

Sunday 19th Of december, 2010. 7:30 AM Gmt.


I woke up to nicki minaj today, and to my partner in dorm cuddling his GF, awkward much? Its really not what I expected of this morning but when have I expected to move to a dorm in the first place? I played my Life in the windows media player, I really wish I could skip parts of my life as I can skip parts of songs, if your sexy and you know it sais akon than clap your hands, well someone has been clapping all night and I couldn’t sleep at all but my only consolation is that he might have been listing to that song…… or catching some flies oh well…... I have only slept for a few hours and I have to work an 8 hours shift tonight booking hotels for rich people who disrupt my music. I would have said now im off to put my clothes on expect that I have slept in them, it’s a jeans and a brown T-shirt, can you wear that at 30 000 feats up in the sky? well blame it on Jason Derula for raising me there in the first place, yeah Jason you do that to me sometimes, when I listin to ”revolution” my body gets filled with oxygen, than I remember that I inhaled that in the first place, my eyes close and my ears become holly, I tap my fingers on my laptop’s speaker and become in extacy mode. Then I remember that it’s time to work and my bubble bursts, I know the meaning of the word “I wish” but I wish I didn’t have to say it in the 1st place,because Oompa I wish you were online so I could have said good morning my angel, i feel your tight huggles for me.
Recommended music for the day : Jason derula- revolution



Sunday evening, good evening readers.
Booking for rich people is over, my shift has ended, and my dreams have begun, my dreams of me myself one day becoming a billionaire, I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad, just like Travy mc coy, why do people worry too much for the green pieces of paper? It’s just ink and cotton, and yes I do know that money is made of cotton, does it mean I’m obsessed with it? I feel my body craving for some rave, music makes me and never breaks me, my grounds are shacking and I run to my portable shelter, my music player, suddenly the earphones became my best friends, they are always there for me hanging around my neck. Earth to George when I click play, hungry and tired, I need a shower and I have some homework but I just can’t get my mind off that rhythm… nananaanananaa, snoop dog raps that bling night starts. Now off to eat off to the shower and then I’ll be back to sleep, wake up and blog some more. Im having a strange feeling I just want to talk about before I go…. I feel like im watching the “social network” all over again, when I was seeing it I was breathless, secretly analyzing Marc’s every word, he is a genius, and I know it ain’t even cool for me to sound cocky no more as Eminem said but I just can’t resist, I felt as if I was watching myself, I related to that, and now I’m having the same feeling all over again, when your too happy and soo nervous, curious about what the world is hiding for you just around the corner…. Now I’m off to take my shower, I reek of clever sweat and hyper hunger, im a dynamo, beat me like a disco drum.
Recommended music for the day : Jason derula- revolution​
 
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DeletedUser

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Sunday, sometime after midnight.

I was asleep, I was pretending to be asleep, truth is there’s just too much on my mind, I’m feeling a bit of independence, alone without my dad or my mom. I thought id share, being a teen isn’t easy, its not all the time just me and my earphones, sometimes the music volumes down, and life confronts me in the face, when I get my paycheck, and when I spend it, when I am alone at Christmas, worst feeling ever, life is a brutal enemy and a mighty ally, I wonder what will my life be like…. Only one way to find out, it’s to live it, and I plan on living mine to the extreme. I have much things on my mind at the moment, music allows me to express, it brings the genius out in me, it brings out my lust and my respect, it pulls out the party animal and shows it to the world and it flairs me with inspiration, but it’s a bright light that doesn’t light your way all the time, sometimes it flashes you and you end up in a dead end, so tricky ain’t it? I shake my head at life, it has made me a human modeling clay, it deforms me with its hands, a hand that produces goodness and the other that destructs you, it destroys you and rains on your parades. Music is a part of my lie, yes lie not life, a lie that screams into my ears everything is just going to be Okay, no Life, nothing is ever going to be “Okay”, it’s us, your human clays that have to make them Okay, don’t lie to me anymore with your “sweet” voice, it’s just a beast in a mask and I know it. My earphones are hypocrites too, they make me feel good but once they are off they take back what they give me. They convince me that what they satisfy me with is permanent, another lie, life is a very harsh experience, my dear earphones, you are only a temporary satisfaction, a fake one. Than here comes the human brain, knowing that he is just living a lie he tries to cover it up, and sets goals and dreams for himself. Knowing that nothing ever goes according to plan he sets plans to follow. Knowing that no one is perfect he will expect perfection out of everything. Knowing that life isn’t easy he tries to take the easy way out of everything, there is no easy way out of anything. Funny thing with the human brain is that on the left side there’s nothing right, and on the right side there is nothing left. I read that someplace and I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry, I ended up laughing so hard that my eyes got teary and the water works started. It’s amazing how the human beings act, they are all busy little bees, sometimes I listin to my music and I feel that time has stopped, but everything around me keeps on moving, either if I’m in the bus leaning my head to the glass, staring at that lawyer get out of his shiny car, and that kid running after a butterfly, a woman shopping for some boots just to hide her ugliness, or a poor person who knows absolutely nothing about anything. They each go in their separate ways and bump into each other’s lives, I feel like I’m watching a movie, I see the happenings but as if I’m not part of ‘em, I imagine the planet earth spinning, years passing by, people evolving, wars happen people die, and the only thing that I can hear is “so I surrender” by Rihanna’s voice in her song “what’s my name”, so I surrender to that fact that we are all living a life of lies. The exact same things that we want hurt us, we want what we need but need what we want. Soo many pages I can write except that I need to go to bed, people, so I can wake up to a new lie tomorrow, that I will have to model it to my best interest.


Tuesday evening, true colors unfold.

Iv seen it, yesterday Iv seen it, it was worse than the huge green eyed monster they talk about, it was my sum of all fears… I saw how cruel and unforgiving it can get, iv seen how ugly it is without music… can you? Can you imagine life without music….close your eyes and try to, I dare you. I listen to my tender voice as I read this and write it at the same time, I feel the slow beats of my heart, slowly pumping blood to my ears, as they are his first priority, I feel my best friends the earphones sending flows of adrenalin thru my body, trying to help me recover from the ugliness I have seen, you have no idea what so ever how cruel life is, with its wars and mass genocides, with its crimes of rape and racism. How did terrorism sneak into our lives? Since when did politics give its leaders the right to make crimes of war…since when? Where are we headed, us the human race, where are we headed? I feel the urge of asking this, why are we the enemies of our own selves? What a brutal of a feeling it is to look at your friends and see evil in them, hate towards love and love towards hate, how hard is it to love someone? Why kill, why torture when you can love? Death is just too much of an easy task to accomplish isn’t it? Its so easy to kill and it’s a ***** to love, but to all of the haters In the world I dare and tell you this, I want to fight you, I cannot but fight you, I want to start a revolution with my music, I want to introduce it to your lives, I feel that it is what I want to do, it is rising up to start a revolution in me, I feel that something is moving in me, a revolution to start a revolution…. How pretty. Surrender to it, raise your white flags, let it take over your lives, let it clean your souls. There is a battle going on in me, good verses evil, love verses hate, I call upon my reinforcements to help me, drum beats and piano keys rush to the aid of my soul, music spreads into the battle field with its colors, rhythms that you cannot resist, its turning my world and I just can’t stop.
Recommended music for the day : Jason derula- revolution​


Sometime later the next day...

Confrontation number one, the revolution has started in me. I crossed 2 kilometers jogging, with Jason derula’s rhythms feeding my soul, I felt that anything was possible. Nostalgic feelings are ruthless, I missed my dream of architecture and designs, so I went back to them, I watched as other dreamers like me have their dreams come true, I wished I was in that position as well. I did admit in my first story that each of my loves are dragging me to a different carrier, and as soon I chose a life, doubt invades my mind and shifts it’s gears slowly turning it to the other corner. I have a dream to unite all of my skills into one project, its so daring I will think twice before daring to attach to it, wait Oops too late, my mind is already spinning and dreaming……. Imagine a place to all of us, music lovers life livers wild dreamers daring minds… imagine a mixture of architecture, design and music… all in one… I should really pick a side now, what is it I want to do? Architecture and design or live the American dream and enter Hollywood, tough decision to make, but a tough mind will match this challenge I hope. i think one finds it hard not to chose, but it is to chose not. It’s not hard to chose what you do want to do, but once you do that will mean you won’t get to do the other, and that’s what haunts us, it’s not what we will get to do, it’s what we won’t.

saturday 29 january, 2011
a walk to remember

What is it that I feel, after seeing “a walk to remember” for about 7 times in a row yesterday, I have fell in love with the movie. My heart pounds and pounds every time I remember a scene from the movie. My heart beats when I listen to the song from the movie that I downloaded sang by Mandy Moore, only hope. I feel like I want to die, literally, because I am overwhelmed by my feelings that I cannot describe, I’m very emotional and sensitive. I am torturing myself, watching that movie again. I feel love and warmness, and I feel extravagant love to the ones that I love so much, to my Cheryl especially, she makes me feel oh so very happy.

I am alone, without any of my parents or family, I’m failing my classes, desperately looking for a job, and I’m very suicidal. Why? I used to think of death and the only thing that stopped me was thinking of what will my family would do if I died, but now, that barrier is out of the way, there is nothing to stop me, nothing to leave me attached to this life, I want to run away and keep on running till I reach a safe land, where I am loved and cared for, where wars and violence don’t exist, where I can feel like I’m in a movie, like I’m in a walk to remember. I may cry, but I do not know why I take pleasure in it anymore, I cry to music, I put on some music and let myself go, shout and scream with dropping tears. I’m very saddened, I have nothing left, and I can do nothing anymore, my life around me is falling apart, and I am as well.
I wish I had a magical wand that made my dreams come true, I wish I had a house with food and a warm bed, and I wish I was a student in the national conservatory, so I can learn music. I wish I had a family like the ones that I envy my friends for, with brothers and sisters. I wish that I can never stop crying out of happiness, and that I will never know the meaning of the word miserable, I wish someone would save me.
Recommended music of the day: only hope sang by Mandy Moore.

Recommended music of the day: Only hope sang by mandy moore.

​
 
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DeletedUser

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*NEW*
February 14, Monday -
A new update, a bit of hope in the horizons.
Re reading my posts, I noticed that I might have been way too miserable while writing my last article, truth is I was at a really dark place. No internet, no money, no job, no food and basic needs either, just music and DVD movies. Things are better, now. See, Lebanon is a tough country to live in. our dorms are not college campuses residential apartments, at least not mine. I wasn’t in a good place with my divorced parents, not spoken to them at that time for a long time, but now things are temporarily okay.
Good news! I am trying to apply to a university in IOWA, USA. It is the University of Northern Iowa. UNI. I already had a meeting with the representatives of study Iowa and things are going okay so far. Iowa seems like a cool place to live in, to accomplish in, and to dream in. hmmmm Celine’s voice is so pretty and so touching, it makes me so teary when I listen to the titanic song.
Have you ever felt the need to love? What does it mean when one wants to love so much, anyone at all? Am I desperate? Am I lonely? Am I terrified of being lonely or am I in love? Who am I in love with? Am I unloved? What am I? Why do I get attached so fast? Why do I crave for friends that understand me and that will love me, and why are most of my friends much older than me? Celine sais love can just hit for one time and last for a lifetime, in that case, what I feel isn’t love because it hits in the frequency of once every second. I love I love but who?! I love my self yes, I love what I can do, I love Oompa, I love my friends but question is does anyone love me the way I love them? Can anyone love like I can in the first place? And I know that my heart will go on……
I open my window sometimes and listen to my music at night, I look around the city I live in, I hear faded car horns, police sirens, and then I look up, to the stars and the moon. It so astonishing it leaves you breathless, speechless. It makes me feel so weak and puny, look at what surround us, look at the planets the galaxies, look at the sun, stare at the moon, imagine the vast spaces than don’t forget to acknowledge the fact that all of those vast spaces are nothing but a drop of water in the huge massive ocean of the universe. How arrogant is the human being when he believes he is the center of this universe, when we are nothing but a pre-historic dominant silly little specie. Think of time and how huge it is, and think again that all of the 700 000 years the humans inhabited this planet might just be a blink of an eye timing to another living form some place in this universe. How weak and small are we, yet we worry of even sillier things like building virtual cities and assigning head diplomats with cool sigs, huh, is anyone else having this bittersweet small laugh and teary eye?
5 letters our lives revolve around, T,R,U,T,H.
Thanks for reading guys, I hope it was enjoyable to you, and I hope it transported you in time and space like it was meant to be, remember to listen to the recommended music of the day, and think of what you just read.

*NEW*2*

It is inspiring to write when you listen to music; it is good to listen to music when you write as well. It is such an amazing of a feeling walking under the pouring rain, it is one heck of an ecstasy to sit in front of an ocean and listen to the heavy waves while they hit the rocky mini islands ahead of you, with the dark night in the skies and the stars watching over you from above, and Celine Dion singing my heart will go on, yes I am still listening to the same song as of last night. Told you I get attached fast… I wish I could set music to the background of my posts, to transport your mind into my world, to revive your dead souls. I wonder why we worry for stupid, stupid things. I wonder why everyone is after money when what I am experiencing right now is not for sale, cannot be bought. I like to think of humans when I listen to songs like those, I imagine those Wall Street bankers killing to go after a good deal, I imagine a small cottage in the lonely desserts of Texas with a small redneck kid sitting on its small poor front porches. I think of politics and generals talking about nuclear weapons and wars in the Kremlin of Russia, than marriage comes to my mind and rings the bell of life between couples, I can’t forget the look on the homeless children’s faces either. This planet is spinning and thousands of years are passing by, and we are so ignorant that simply one small tiny change in the universe around us could lead to our demise, and then all you guys think about is an online game, I wish people could start thinking about making changes and not PnP’s. Are you too afraid of being ambitious? Are you life-phobic? See, if you dig deep into it you might understand why many of us love playing grepolis. One simple answer, because in this game, POWER IS POSSIBLE. In this game you can dominate and be feared, you can rule over one hundred and fifty people, and they will probably respect you more than a law enforcement unit, because they are also part of this unreal reality. They too want someone to follow, and some want someone to lead. It completes the circle; it is the answer to what everyone who plays this game might want. Look at our world, from the first moment it opened people hoarded over it, it is a new hope to those who never got the chance to earn power, it is a new opportunity to those who would do anything for power. What is power anyway? Why do people think of it as something dangerous? Power is change, and change can be for the good sometimes, imagine the power that the 3 richest men on earth have, did you know that the combined wealth of those 3 people can end the hunger in Africa? It can also make living on the moon possible. Speaking of the moon, I am dying to go there. I might go there and jump from it back to earth, don’t worry ill keep a parachute with me. Waaw, so amazing even thinking about it, jumping from the moon back to earth, I wish I could do that, makes me cry thinking of it’s beauty. And about crying, it is now a hobby of mine, I love doing it, it makes you think a million times more, it wakes you up, it’s the best cure for a soul, cry to music, it’s astonishingly reviving and refreshing. Sadness is happiness in some forms, you feel happy that at least you know how you feel, and sometimes your too happy and that makes you sad, because your brain wonders about his feelings yet finds no answer, that is when your brain is confused and doesn’t even know it. It’s the chain of ups and downs, after the ups the downs come, and the opposite too. It is so revoking, a harsh truth.
​
 
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DeletedUser

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-reserves spot-------
 
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DeletedUser

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You can't have a 10 page blog about yourself in Xi,It has nothing to do with Xi even though you play it...this should be in OT-Creative writing, although you did put a lot of work into it :), and it was a good read ;), good luck :D

warlordmkd said:
guys could you please let me reserve the 1st page, and comment back on 2nd page? thanks....

and thanks appolo, ill talk to our mod, and ill make sure i mention grepolis more oftenly, this was already written i just copied it from my blog.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how much you mention grepolis unless it about Xi it belongs in OT, however I'm not alph he will get to choose
 

DeletedUser6810

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Honestly, i read the first paragraph and lost interest. I hope other people enjoy or are inspired by your blog.

Nice to see something other than Firelord claiming hes going to take every alliance down and people going on about PV being an MRA when nobody really cares.
 

DeletedUser

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warlordmkd said:
Appolo im reserving cause it only lets you post 10 000 words by post, and so far my blog is at 21000 words (the ones i posted above) Please appolo, i worked hard for this.
Click to expand...

I know you are not American and Arabic is your native language but could you please spell me name right, Apollo!

Anyway I don't care, My point is that if you readers are really interested they will read through the posts,It doesn't all need to be on the front page,anyway i honored you request and moved my post back :)
 

DeletedUser

Guest
dam that is one long read.

What? no pictures? I hate reading something with no pictures :(
 

DeletedUser

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It is a very interesting post: The roller coaster ride of life and all its twists, turns, uphill and downhill hits and lessons that we all experience one way or another :)

Very nice. Inspiring.
 
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