TRK- Unexpected Experiment

DeletedUser44426

Guest
TRK- Unexpected Experiment



They surronded the presidential door, and armed the bomb to it. They scooted back as the door blew open. I was the first to enter the room, and saw many bloody bodies on the floor. There was only one body laid back against the wall. The body was bloody and it's skin was pale grey. I looked at it closely and realized it was the dead body of Liam Trinity. The other agents and soldiers then walked into the open bunker. I walked in and saw nothing but blood and black goo over the wall. One body lay on the floor, with it's neck torn open. When everyone was inside, we began looking around for any clues of escape made by the Russian killer. One of the leading Generals pushed the activation button for the video recorder. But as soon as he pushed it, the bunker door had automatically sealed itself shut. Then a voice over an intercom came on...."Welcome, fellow subjects. Today will be your first day that you experience the toxins of experimental gas. You will be intact with it for 13 days. If you survive, then you will be worthy enough to become my property....My slaves. There lies a body in the bunker with you. His name was Thomas Hunter, a former hacktivist of the AOL. He was killed by his own hands. What drove him to kill himself? Well, thats for you to find out. If you do survive after 13 days, the bunker door will open and you be able to breath fresh, untainted oxygen. But when you enter the presidents room, you will be faced with a very difficult challenge. If you fail, you die. If you succeed, then you will live. Good luck to you all, and may death be with you. Yours truly, The Killing Joke. " The intercom shut off, and the vents opened up and released the green toxin. We could do nothing but shoot at the door, and scream for help. Nothing was getting in or out of that bunker for 13 days. We all knew this was a survival of the fittest. Day one, had begun......
 
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DeletedUser44027

Guest
Oh, I liked it, quite creepy, one of your best. This may be your greatest series yet, although I feel as if the longer the segments you write at one time, the less high-quality they become. But maybe it's just my dislike for long stories. :p
 

DeletedUser44426

Guest
Don't worry Dez, the ideas for the segments are beyond good. And thanks.
 

DeletedUser8396

Guest
After the third sentence I began to get into it. I don't know why, but the beginnings to your pieces feel awkward. May just be me, i dont know. Maybe try working on the opening sentences to your pieces to make them more of a punch and interesting. May just be me.

Other than the first few sentences, I enjoyed the piece. It was insane in the sense of visualization (one of your best qualities as a writer).
 

DeletedUser44426

Guest
My next segment will be worked on for its intro. Thanks.
 

DeletedUser18132

Guest
This reminds me of a Hunger Games-of sorts, just much better. :p

I liked it!
 
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