What you're looking for

[DeletedUser44856]

Written with a close friend who put this into a song. Just thought I'd share with you guys.

Girl, I don't know,
How this is all,
Gunna end..

You keep telling me,
That we're better off begin friends,
But the one thing I know,
That the sparks in your eyes almost gone..

It's hard holding one,
To someone who's letting you go..

God only knows,
How I get through this life,
On my own..

This feeling inside,
Is cutting me right to the bone..

You can search far and wide,
For someone who might love you more..

But I hope that you never find,
What you're looking for..

I count every step,
As I'm walking away,
From your door..

It kills me to think,
It won't be the same anymore,
And I'm praying so hard,
You'll ask me to turn back around..

But nothing can stop,
Like everything coming unwound..

This feeling inside,
Is cutting me right to the bone,
You can search far and wide,
For someone who might love you more..

But I hope,
That you never find,
What you're looking for...

 

[DeletedUser44426]

Well, I have to be honest with you.....I don't think its that good at all. Sure you have a few bits here and there, but it doesn't really click with me.

 

[DeletedUser8396]

Agreed with the above

You're generally good at writing, but this one I just don't think is on your level. If this is a song, however, then maybe with the right tune it would flow (as that's the major issue IMO...flow).

Try taking a few minutes and read it straight out and try changing a few words. This may end up very nice ( as the content is rather good).

 

[DeletedUser44856]

This was one of the first major pieces I wrote, it was written to accompany a tune (that I had no part in, music and tune are not my thing at all). I could try a re-write with just accompanying a flow of words