written by woeisme of Elite Olympus Warriors ......
Picture the scene; it’s the aftermath of a much anticipated street fight between two prize fighters. Both men have been extremely vocal in the run up to the contest and ill will toward each other is at an all time high.
The fight is over and both men are in their corners waiting for the result to be announced. The decision is somewhat slow in coming in because it’s the crowd that decides the winner. Both men are to be interviewed before the announcement
In the red corner, Op the map Ivy is on his feet, he’s bouncing around his corner with his hands above his head. There isn’t a mark on him as he plays to the crowd. His supporters and fellow stable mates from ‘The Great unwashed gym’ are embracing and giving high fives, certain that victory is theirs
In the blue corner, slumped on his stool, head in his hands, sits Orthia’s pride and joy, The Giant CoCo. Blood is streaming from a nasty cut in his left eyebrow, both Eyes are black and blue and badly swollen and his nose is clearly broken. Despite this, The giant is bright and alert and his injuries are clearly not life threatening. His worried looking supporters from some of the worlds biggest dojos are swarming around him offering him advise prior to his all important interview.
We get to interview him first so we make our way to his corner
Interviewer: Hi CoCo, How are you feeling after that?
CoCo: Never better, thanks for asking mate.
Interviewer: You took a lot of punishment in that fight. Some of those punches must have really hurt? You must fear the result will go against you?
CoCo: Surely you are not serious? I’m very confident the decision will go my way. I felt I dominated that fight from start to finish. That’s the problem with uneducated fight fans, they have no appreciation of the finer arts of fighting. A fight of this magnitude is not all about throwing punches. There are more subtle aspects that often get over looked. Making your opponent miss, ducking, rope a dope tactics, these are all aspects of the great art which I executed brilliantly and they are every bit as important as punching.
Check the statistics if you don’t believe me.
Interviewer: To which statistics are you referring to CoCo
CoCo: I have it on good authority, that Ivy threw a total of 150 punches in that fight. Out of that 150 only 9 landed on my face. That’s a success rate of a mere 6%. Which is completely laughable. My own success rate was 100%. That’s a 94% swing in my favour. Hard to argue with that. Isn’t it?
Interviewer: But you didn’t throw ANY punch.
CoCo: If you don’t throw any punches and none land, that’s a 100% hit rate. Statistics don’t lie mate. Read them and weep.
Interviewer: Why didn’t you throw any punches?
CoCo: After discussing this with my stable mates, we decided to box clever. I have a lot more fights coming up in the near future, in my own home stadium. I didn’t want to be tired for those fights, so I decided to reserve my energy. Thinking outside the box. It’s what separates the Elite from the unwashed.
Interviewer: Ok, ignoring the 141 punches that you made him miss with, What about the 9 that didn’t miss? The 9 that did all that damage to your face?
CoCo: You can’t dismiss the other 141, that’s the bulk of the fight and I schooled that chump in the art of dodging.
Plus, Darkchampions has just told me that they have been studying the replays very closely and they can confirm without a SHADOW of a doubt, That the punch that smashed my nose, resulted in Ivy fracturing his finger. And that’s a fact! Check the replays yourself. You see, us elite fighters can inflict severe damage through defence. Plus it was on his left hand, and we all know Ivy is left-handed. Let’s see him high five now? And don’t ever forget who did that to him.. It was ME.
Interviewer: I see, well here comes the doctor to stitch that nasty gash and pull your face back together. Best of luck and thank you for that very informative interview.
Interviewer crosses the ring to talk to Ivy.
Interviewer: Hi Ivy. Tell us how are you are feeling right now?
Ivy: I feel great. This fight has been in the making for a long time. Lot’s has been said in the run up, but I was just happy to get into the ring and let my fists do the talking. I caught him with some great jabs and the sound of his nose exploding on my uppercut was music to my ears. It’s just a pity it ended so soon, I felt I could have slapped him all over that ring for another few hours.
Interviewer: Do you feel that the punches you missed with will count against you?
Ivy: I don’t see how they will. It’s hard to hit a man on the run. But he couldn’t run for ever. I worked hard to corner him and when I did I unloaded the guns on him.
Look at all the blood in the ring. It’s not mine! Lol. Look at his face!
SHOUTS FROM ACROSS THE RING……………………….. Show him your finger, Show him your finger, SHOW HIM YOUR FINGER.
Camera zooms out, Darckchampions, Sch01ar and Dethabringer are standing on the top ropes, riling the crowd into a frenzy. Chanting like a bus full of college girls en route to a rampant rabbit factory.. Show him your Finger, Show him your finger SHOW HIM YOUR FINGER.
30 seconds later the entire stadium is on its feet, fickle and easily led, all shouting, SHOW HIM YOUR FINGER.
Interviewer: This doesn’t look too good, The crowd (ie the judges) appear to be supporting the Coco.
Ivy: Well F**k me! I’m not sure what else I could have done. I beat him around the ring like a red headed step child. My fingers are fine. I don’t understand this. Surely everyone can see I won this .
DING DING bell rings.
After going to the judge’s score cards, the results are in.
The winner, by unanimous decision.
The undisputed King of SPIN.
THE GIANT COCO.
AKA Comical Ali