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EPISODE #1
Defending a large empire would be inexplicably difficult
Military Advisor: Emperor Farg! An Acolyte of the god Inno has advised us that one of our cities is under attack.
Emperor: Which one of our powerful cities is being attacked?
Military Advisor: He doesn’t know which one.
Emperor: How is that possible? How does he even know a city is under attack?
Military Advisor: He claims a mysterious blinking icon has given him warning of an impending attack, but he has no other information about it.
Emperor: This is insanity. We have to waste time sending a runner to each of our cities to find out and warn them? Then send runners back so other cities may support the city in danger?
Military Advisor: It seems so my Emperor, however he did explain that if we offer 100 gold in tribute to the god Inno, we would be provided an Administrator. This Administrator is able to quickly read these blinking icons in detail and also ease the difficulty in trade and tax collections.
Emperor: So the only way we are able to swiftly defend a large empire, is to pay tribute to Inno?
Military Advisor: Yes my Emperor.
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EPISODE #2
Trying to gain an inappropriate edge would be illegal
Military Advisor: Emperor Farg! All citizen production, troop training and ship building has frozen. Additionally, we seem to be unable to give any commands or communicate with our allies.
Emperor: Great Zeus! This is horrible.
Military Advisor: That is not all my lord. Our sister empires, Farg1, Farg2, Farg3, Farg4, Farg5, Farg6, Farg7, Farg8, Farg9, Farg10, Farg11 have also been frozen in time.
Emperor: My plans for gaining extra combat experience by attacking myself and farming my own resources have been ruined. What craziness it this?
Military Advisor: . The god Inno has decreed that we have committed the sin of Multi and those sister empires are permanently abandoned.
Emperor: Do you mean we’ll have to make do with this single empire like everyone else?
Military Advisor: That is evidently the situation my Emperor.
Emperor: Curses!
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EPISODE #3
People would be born as adults of military age
High Counselor: My Emperor. We have identified a dwelling of the Turtle Cult on the edge of our empire.
Emperor: Athena shield us! This could be worse than when the Hare Krishnas were preaching at our harbors.
High Counselor: Yes my Emperor, they are known for their whining diplomats, grandiose libraries, high walls and safeguarding armies. They flourish in collectives called MRA's and spread via bacteria known as Pacts.
Emperor: I can't risk them infecting my armies with their pacifistic decrepitude. General, I want to you to attack and clear out that Turtle city.
General: My lord, attacking such a city would cost your army dearly in the lives of your soldiers. We could lose the entire army of this city and some from our other cities. An attack of this nature is very risky.
Emperor: Nonsense. Regardless of the number of dead, we’ll have an equal amount of new recruits of military age appear instantly. You merely need train and equip them.
High Priest: My Emperor, not only will those new subjects instantly appear, but if we offer 25 gold in tribute to the goddess Hera, their training time will be reduced to half the normal time required.
Emperor: You see General? Your Emperor and our gods will provide everything you need. Now go clear that Turtle city and keep all future Turtle blights from our frontiers.
General: So you have ordered, so it shall be done my lord.
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EPISODE #4
Getting a new start in life would be simple and you’d live forever
High Counselor: My Emperor, our cities are swiftly being conquered by our enemies. It is only a short time before they will arrive here, in the capitol of our empire.
Emperor: Grave news indeed. What we need is to do things over. Fix our mistakes, while finding better allies.
High Counselor: I’ve heard about this prayer we could use. It is called “Delete Account”. We say this prayer to the god Inno, and our empire and all responsibilities, troubles and enemies simply disappear.
Emperor: That sounds excellent, but how does that provide us a second chance?
High Counselor: Well my lord, after Inno accepts this prayer, we are offered many new but similar worlds that Inno will transport us to. There, we have a fresh start to fix our previous ineptitude.
Emperor: And I will be the same and I may start my new empire from scratch?
High Counselor: Yes my Emperor. In addition, all new neighbors will be around you for your armies to crush or to join you in your quest for expansion and glory.
Emperor: Aha! This is perfect. Notify my subjects that we will be moving to a new world.
High Counselor: Um my lord, they will not travel with you. Actually, they will cease to exist when you leave this world.
Emperor: A pity but of no real concern, for I am all that matters and I will be there unchanged! In this new world, I think I might even have light ships constructed and I shall use them to escort my attacking armies. Yes, that will be deviously fantastic. I’ll bet no one has thought of that before. I shall rule the world………..
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That is all for now folks, but I have many more episodes in the pipeline. I hope these bring a spot of humor to your day.
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